Friday, April 30, 2010

Just an Update

Kitten update:

Forrest is sneezing like crazy, while the others are about over it. I'm starting to think she might be showing early signs of asthma. The good thing is that she eats like a champ now, so I don't have to worry about that with her anymore. Some of the others are a different story.

She, along with Johnny Depp, Neferteri, and Bud, are still being treated twice a day with bleach water for ringworm. They all eat dry food now, although they still want milk in a bowl. and use the litter box consistently. It is so cute to see their little "milk mustaches" when they come up for air. If they are over their ringworm by the date of their surgery, May 18, they will go up for adoption that next weekend.

Tailless is growing like a weed. The 5 who are now her siblings are tentatively Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, and Alexei (the one boy). All of them seem to be doing okay except Anastasia, the marble tabby. She just won't eat much, and is very small. They are usually using the litter box, and we are keeping them separate from the older 4 so that we don't spread the ringworm or sneezing. If Anastasia's appetite doesn't chirk up a bit soon, I will have to start her on fluids.

Update on Little Girl -- her birthday! She will sit quietly on the couch while the rest of us clean the church, and get paid anyway. We will not know until her revisit with the doctor on Tuesday whether or not she will need surgery.

In honor of national humor month

My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

Today is

Fairy Queen's Birthday -- Fairy Calendar

Hairstylist Appreciation Day

Maitag Vorabend, Switzerland (May Day Eve)

National Child Care Professionals Day

National Hairball Awareness Day

National Honesty Day

National Oatmeal Cookie Day

Raisin Day

St. Adjutor's Day (patron of swimmers, yatchsmen; against drowning)

St. James the Great Day -- Orthodox Christian


Salus, in Portugal and Spain (festival of the dead)

Walpurgis Night -- Ancient Celtic/Nordic Calendars

Workers Day, Uruguay

Anniversaries Today:

Louisiana becomes the 18th US state, 1812

Birthdays Today:

Kirsten Dunst, 1982
Jeff Timmons, 1973
Carolyn Dawn Johnson, 1971
Michael Waltrip, 1963
Isiah Thomas, 1961
Stuart Mathis, 1960
Stephen Harper, 1959
Carl XVI Gustav, King of Sweden, 1946
Jill Clayburgh, 1944
Burt Young, 1940
Willie Nelson, 1933
Cloris Leachman, 1926
Queen Juliana of the Netherlands, 1909
Eve Arden, 1908

Today in History:

Supernova SN 1006, the brightest supernova in recorded history, appears in the constellation Lupus, 1006
Orbital calculations suggest that on this day, Pluto moved inside Neptune's orbit until July 23, 1503, 1483
Columbus is given a royal commission to equip his fleet, 1492
On the balcony of Federal Hall on Wall Street in New York City, George Washington takes the oath of office to become the first elected President of the United States, 1789
The United States purchases the Louisiana Territory from France, 1803
Nicaragua declares independence from the Central American Federation, 1838
Casey Jones dies in a train wreck in Vaughn, Mississippi, while trying to make up time on the Cannonball Express, 1900
Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford become the first celebrities to leave their footprints in concrete at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, 1927
In Bogotá, Colombia, the Organization of American States is established, 1948
Communist forces gain control of Saigon and the Vietnam War formally ends, 1975
CERN announces World Wide Web protocols will be free, 1993

Thursday, April 29, 2010

ER is Bad for My Karma

I got a call to contact someone with more kittens, and never made the contact. At that moment, #2 Son came running in to say that his little sister thought her arm was broken.

Next thing I know, Little Girl comes in, crying in the way that lets a mom know it is real pain this time. She is nursing her left arm (and, of course, she is left handed), and saying the pain is above the elbow.

I asked what happened, and was told that #2 Son had used their homeschool recess to rebuild his bike ramp and convince his sister to try it. The first couple of times, she did fine. Then, the handlebars literally folded forward that last time, throwing her.

I grabbed my "brain," the bag in which I keep medical cards, my calendar, bills, the checkbook, and everything else I might need quickly, and ran out the door to see my good ice chest being used for the rebuilt ramp. I told the boy to put it away, feed the kittens through the afternoon, and stay out of more trouble. Then I buckled Little Girl into the van.

The trip to the ER was torture. Every light turned red just as we got to it, prolonging the trip by a good 10 minutes. Every bump brought new cries. The ER parking lot was full, so I pulled up and got her out at the door, telling the security guard I would be back to move my car. No one is supposed to be in that lot unless they are there with a patient in the ER, but it is closer than the parking lots on the other side of the building, so people pack it out anyway.

Once inside, I was sent to a desk that had no one there. A sign said to just fill out a form, and by the time I finished the lady was there, guiding us to triage.

Thus began 5 1/2 hours in the ER, most of it spent listening to babies screaming, which tore my heart.

They determined pretty quickly that it was probably not dislocated, and it wasn't the collarbone. Then it was time for a morphine IV so that her stomach would stay empty in case of surgery. It sounds great, but the morphine really just made her a tiny bit loopy and didn't do much for the pain.

X-rays, which also hurt because of having to move the arm to get the angles right, showed the bone is broken just below the shoulder joint. The break missed the growth plate, the bone has not shifted so she shouldn't need surgery, and the doctor who looked at it there cannot follow up because we have the wrong insurance. Tomorrow I call a different doctor who will make certain she doesn't need anything more than a sling and immobilization.

The meds they sent her home with have done much more for the pain than the morphine did, and she is on the couch for the night.

She spent most of the time in the ER upset because everything there takes so long. She also was not happy that they made her let me go in with her to the restroom. After all, she will be 12 in two days, it's horrible to have your mom in there with you.

This whole thing just proves what I have said to the kids for years. Don't do anything that will land you in the ER, it is bad for my karma.

In honor of national humor month

Thing My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Today is

Cheng Cheng Kung Landing Day, Taiwan

Feast of the Secret Masters

Greenery Day

Milk-Curdling Sunday -- Fairy Calendar, Gremlins, and not always on a Sunday

Moment of Laughter Day

National Dance Day

National Shrimp Scampi Day

Ninth Day of Ridvan -- Baha'i

Poem In Your Pocket Day

St. Catherine of Siena's Day (patron of Italy; against fire)

Anniversaries Today:

Princess Irene marries Prince Carel Hugo de Bourbon Parma, 1964

Birthdays Today:

Andre Agassi, 1970
Uma Thurman, 1970
Michelle Pfeiffer, 1958
Daniel Day-Lewis, 1957
Kate Mulgrew, 1955
Jerry Seinfeld, 1954
Dale Earnhardt, 1951
Johnny Miller, 1947
Zubin Mehta, 1936
Lane Smith, 1936
Celeste Holm, 1919
Tom Ewell, 1909
Hirohito, 1901
Duke Ellington, 1899
William Randolph Hearst, 1863

Today in History:

The Moors arrive at Gibraltar to begin their invasion of the Iberian Peninsula, 711
Joan of Arc arrives at Orleans to relieve the siege, 1492
Eleven Dutch ships depart for the conquest of Peru, 1623
The Ming Dynasty occupies Tiawan, 1661
The French Fleet prevents Britian from siezing the Cape of Good Hope, 1781
Peter Roget publishes the first edition of his Thesaurus, 1852
The "Elektromote" – forerunner of the trolleybus – is tested by Ernst Werner von Siemens in Berlin, 1882
The North Sea floodgate at Ijmuiden, the biggest in world, officially opens, 1930
The telephone connection of England-Australia goes into service, 1930
The first U.S. experimental 3D-TV broadcast airs, and episode of "Space Patrol" shown over ABC affiliate KECA in Los Angeles, 1953
The first military nuclear power plant opens, in Ft. Belvoir 1957
A cyclone strikes the Chittagong district of southeastern Bangladesh with winds of around 155 mph, killing at least 138,000 people and leaving as many as 10 million homeless, 1991
Oldsmobile builds its final car ending 107 years of production, 2004

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

More Conversations with #2 Son

"Mom, I'm making a weapon of mass destruction," he told me, as he held on to his bleeding hand.

"Son, have you ever heard of 'karma'?" I asked him.

"Very funny, mom. Please hand me a paper towel."

"Hey, mom, when did we get the leaf blower? Can I play with it?"

"Well, I don't know about play with it, but you may get the leaves out of the trench so they don't impede water flow next time it rains."

"Okay, but when Fred comes later, may I duct tape it to my butt? That way I can get him to say, 'Uh, I think this is going to end badly!'"

Upon buying a new energy drink he hadn't tried before, "Ewww, this tastes like pee."

"Son, how would you know?"

"Mom, you don't want to know how I know."

"Mom, did I ever tell you about the time I got Mike to use his bike to pull me in that old toy ride on truck we used to have?"

"No, son, because I wouldn't have let you do it."

"I know, but I got him to pull me, and I did a barrel roll when we crashed. I landed in a neighbor's garage, and I stuck my head out and saw the neighbor, and I had blood all over my face. The guy just looked at me, and I asked him if he would throw the truck away for me, cause it was ruined. He did."

"So that's what happened to it. I had always wondered."

In honor of national humor month

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued,
"And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!"

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell,' has got to go."

Today is

Chicken-Tickling Day -- Fairy Calendar (Leprechauns)

Costume Day

Full Pink Moon/Sprouting Grass Moon/Egg Moon/Fish Moon

Great Poetry Reading Day

Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then read her some poetry.

National Blueberry Pie Day

National Day of Mourning, Canada

Santa Fe Trail Day

St. Peter Chanel's Day

St. Vitalis and Valeria's Day

Texas Wildflower Day

Theravadin New Year -- Buddhist, through May 1

Workers Memorial Day

Birthdays Today:

Jessica Alba, 1981
Penelope Cruz, 1974
Nancy Lee Grahn, 1958
Jay Leno, 1950
Ann-Margaret, 1941
Harper Lee, 1926
Oscar Schindler, 1908
Lionel Barrymore, 1878
James Monroe, 1758

Today in History:

Nichiren Buddhism is founded, 1253
Captain William Bligh and 18 crewmen from the HMS Bounty are set adrift, 1789
Azerbaijan is added to the Soviet Union., 1920
The first night game in organized baseball history takes place in Independence, Kansas, 1930
A vaccine for yellow fever is announced for use on humans, 1932
Thor Heyerdahl and five crew mates set out from Peru on the Kon-Tiki, 1947

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Ten minutes before we were supposed to leave for co-op, Little Girl asks, "Mom, do you have a plain white t-shirt for me? I have to wear it for the performance today."

I would say that I should have stuck with goldfish over kids, but from what I understand there are different types of goldfish, and they need different care and sizes of aquariums and keeping them is a specialty all its own.

In honor of national humor month

Did you ever wonder

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Today is

Babe Ruth Day

Constitution Day, Yugoslavia

Floralia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (festival to Flora, goddess of flowers and vegetation, through May 3)

Freedom Day, South Africa

Independence Day, in Togo and Sierra Leone

Matanzas Mule Day

Meenkankshi Kalyanam, India (Hindu celebration of the marriage of the goddess Meenkanshi and Lord Shiva, and therefore of all Hindu marriages)

Morse Code Day

National D.J. Day

National Prime Rib Day

National Teach Your Children To Save Day

Sleep Day

St. Zita's Day (patron of housemaids, finding lost keys)

Tell a Story Day

Veterans Day, Finland

Write An Old Friend Today Day

Anniversaries Today:

Cornell University is established as New York's land grant institution, 1865

Birthdays Today:

Patrick Stump, 1984
Sheena Easton, 1959
Ace Frehley, 1951
Cuba Gooding, Sr., 1944
Earl Anthony, 1938
Sandy Dennis, 1937
Anouk Aimee, 1932
Casey Kasem, 1932
Coretta Scott King, 1927
Jack Klugman, 1922
Sergei Prokofiev, 1891
Ulysses S. Grant, 1822
Samuel Morse, 1791
Mary Wollstonecraft, 1759
Suleiman the Magnificent, 1495

Today in History:

Ferdinand Magellan is killed by natives in the Philippines led by chief Lapu-Lapu, 1521
Re-founding of the city of Bogotá, New Granada (now Colombia), by Nikolaus Federmann and Sebastián de Belalcázar, 1539
Cebu is established as the first Spanish settlement in the Philippines, 1565
The blind and impoverished, John Milton sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10, 1667
The British Parliament passes the Tea Act, 1773
Beethoven composes Für Elise, 1810
US troops capture the capital of Upper Canada, York (present day Toronto, Canada), 1813
The Foundation stone for new Palace of Westminster, London, is laid, 1840
The establishment of Jewish congregations in Lower Austria is prohibited, 1857
In South Africa, the Group Areas Act is passed formally segregating races, 1950
Togo gains independence from French-administered UN trusteeship, 1960
Sierra Leone is granted its independence from the United Kingdom, 1961
Expo 67 officially opens in Montreal, Canada, 1967
Xerox PARC introduces the computer mouse, 1981

Monday, April 26, 2010

Conversations with #2 Son

"Hey, mom, I'm going to have to get on the roof."

"Why, son?"

"Well, Sam's new plane might be up there for reasons that kinda sorta might have to do with me. So I need to go get it."

"Mom, did I tell you what we did on New Year's Eve?"

"Not yet, and I have the feeling I don't want you to."

"Well, Mr. Bryan had some gasoline for his generator, and he put it in a bucket with lighter fluid and rubbing alcohol, and we shot roman candles at it."

"What happened when you hit it?"

"Oh, all of us missed, so he threw it on the wood and we had a bonfire."

"Hey, mom, do you have anything I can put a turtle in?"

"Sure, son, use the blue bucket outside."

"I can't it already has 3 snakes in it. Can I use the ice chest? I'll clean it real good and use bleach."

"No, son, I don't want a turtle in there. I put food in that."

"But I'll clean it!"

"No ... wait. Where is the ice chest?"

"Well, I didn't know you would say no."

Later, as he let the snakes out of the bucket in the park at the spring Civic Association party:

"Son, put the snakes back in the bucket and take them back to the creek. You are scaring the ladies."

"I know. Watching them scream and run is the fun part!"

"Son, take them back."

"Awwww, okay."


In honor of national humor month

Grass snakes

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is really ended up in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

Breath here......

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her

Today is

Fairy Laughter Convention -- Fairy Calendar

Festival of Individual Sovereignty

Hug an Australian Day

International Azalea Festival

Internatinal Marconi Day

National Pretzel Day

Remember Your First Kiss Day

Richter Scale Day

Running of the Rodents, at Spalding University in Louisville, Kentucky*

Shuffleboard Day

Static Cling Day

St. Marcellinus' Day

Union Day, Tanzania

*Part of the pre-Derby celebrations, and begun in 1972, festivities include the Rodent Parade, the Rat Hat Contest, and a Fruit Loop Eating Contest (rats love Fruit Loops, and the overall winner of the races receives a loop of Loops).

Anniversaries Today:

Prince Albert (future George VI) marries Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon

Birthdays Today:

Jon Lee, 1982
Jason Earles, 1977
Tom Welling, 1977
Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins, 1970
Kane, 1967
Jet Li, 1963
Michael Damian, 1962
Bobby Rydell, 1942
Duane Eddy, 1938
Carol Burnett, 1933
I.M. Pei, 1917
John James Audobon, 1785
Marcus Aurelius, 121

Today in History:

Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn, 1514
William Shakespeare is baptized, 1564
English colonists of the Jamestown settlement make landfall at Cape Henry, Virginia, 1607
Napoleon Bonaparte signs a general amnesty to allow all but about one thousand of the most notorious émigrés of the French Revolution to return to France, 1802
Paul von Hindenburg defeats Wilhelm Marx in the second round of the German presidential election to become the first directly elected head of state of the Weimar Republic, 1925
In Libya, amendments to the constitution transform Libya (United Kingdom of Libya) into one national unity (Kingdom of Libya) and allows for female participation in elections, 1963
Tanganyika and Zanzibar merge to form Tanzania, 1964
A Rolling Stones concert in London, Ontario is shut down by police after 15 minutes due to rioting, 1965
Physicists announce first evidence of the top quark subatomic particle, 1994

Sunday, April 25, 2010

When Do You Stop?

At what point does trying to keep kittens alive turn into cruelty to animals?

Two of the tiny ones have gone. The other two are not doing well, even with subcutaneous fluids and being kept warm. One had blood in his stool, indicating intestinal bleeding.

I ask myself this every time, and I still don't have a good answer.

In honor of national humor month

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot b*tch." ~Joan Rivers

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. ~Dave Barry

Today is

Adonia, Greece (women's festival)

ANZAC Day, Australia and New Zealand

Arbor Day


East Meets West Day

Flag Day, Swaziland and the Faroe Islands, Denmark

Malaria Awareness Day

National Pet Parents Day

Red Hat Society Day

Remembrance Day, New Guinea

Robigalia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (festival of Robiga and Rogibus, the brother and sister fertility gods)

Sinai Liberation Day, Egypt

World Penguin Day

20-Something Service Day

Birthdays Today:

Jacob Underwood, 1980
Jason, Lee, 1970
Renee, Zellweger, 1969
Hank Azaria, 1964
Talia Shire, 1946
Stu Cook, 1945
Bjorn Ulvaeus, 1945
Al Pacino, 1940
Meadowlark Lemon, 1932
Paul Mazursky, 1930
Albert King, 1923
Ella Fitzgerald, 1918
Edward R. Murrow, 1908
Guglielmo Marconi, 1874

Today in History:

Highwayman Nicholas Pelletier becomes the first person executed by guillotine, 1792
The Governor General of Canada, Lord Elgin, signs the Rebellion Losses Bill, outraging Montreal's English population and triggering the Montreal Riots, 1849
British and French engineers break ground for the Suez Canal, 1859
First DC Comic with Batman is published, 1939
The Hubble Telescope is deployed, 1990
The final piece of the Obelisk of Axum is returned to Ethiopia after being stolen by the invading Italian army in 1937, 2005

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Answer The Phone

"Hi, Mimi, this is Anne."

Another person from the cat rescue. She is on a couple of committees, and in charge of the adoption area at the pet store. I knew she didn't call just to pass the time of day.

"Hello, Anne! What's up?"

"We have a kitten call in. Are you up to more?"

I'm the contact person for that when Meg is teaching school, so it was my call.

"What's the story?" I ask, resigning myself before I even know.

"Newborn this morning to a very young feral mom that got scared away from them and hasn't come back. Just a few blocks from your house."

Ouch. Newborns don't stand much chance, but you can't say no.

"Sure, give me the contact phone number."

It was at a dentist's office, in their back garden. The dentist got there in the morning in time to see the mom run away in fear, one kitten in her mouth. She tried to nest elsewhere with that one, and got scared away again. Only the one had been nursed at all.

They were very nice people, gave us a donation, asked if we could let them know how they were doing. Also asked for help trapping the mom and other ferals in the area so we could do a TNR. That way, this doesn't keep happening.

The runt was so skinny I knew he was a goner from the get go, and he lasted only 24 hours. The others are eating, messing, and warm, and at this stage we can only hope.

No more calls, please.

In honor of national humor month


Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand-motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Today is

Arbor Day

Astronomy Day

Bob Wills Day

Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day

Eeyore's Birthday

Happenstance and Coincidence Evening -- Fairy Calendar

Interstate Mullet Toss Days, through the 25th

National Go Birding Day

National Good Telephone Day -- call some old friends you haven't spoken to in a while

National Puppetry Day

National Rebuilding Day

Native American Heritage Day

Pigs in a Blanket Day

Plumber's Day

Sense of Smell Day (While celebrating, remember those with anosmia.)

St. Egbert's Day

St. Mark's Eve*

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day

*A young lady may eat a boiled dove's egg sprinkled with salt and place
a tulip, sacred to St. Mark, in a vase next to her bed, and so she will
dream of the man she will marry.

Birthdays Today:

Courtnee Draper, 1985
Kelly Clarkson, 1982
Chipper Jones, 1972
Cedric the Entertainer, 1964
Jean-Paul Gaultier, 1952
Doug Clifford, 1945
Barbra Streisand, 1942
Jill Ireland, 1936
Shirley MacLaine, 1934
Robert Penn Warren, 1905
Michael J. Dady, 1850
Anthony Trollope, 1815

Anniversaries Today:

Mary, Queen of Scots marries Dauphin of France, François, at Notre Dame de Paris, 1558

Today in History:

Thutmose III ascends to the throne of Egypt, although power effectively shifts to Hatshepsut, BC1479
Traditional date for the Greeks entering Troy using the Trojan Horse, BC1184
The appearance of Halley's Comet causes monks in England to predict evil happenings, 1066
"La Marseillaise" composed by Claude-Joseph Rouget de Lisle, 1792
The Boston "News-Letter" becomes the first successful newspaper in the colonies, 1704
The Library of Congress is established, 1800
A patent is granted for the first soda fountain, 1833
William Price of the Washington Star becomes the first reporter to be specifically assigned to the White House, 1897
The fathometer, which measures underwater depth, is patented, 1928
Winston Churchill is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II, 1953
Cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov dies in Soyuz 1, the first person to die during a space mission, 1967
Gruinard Island, Scotland, is officially declared free of the anthrax disease after 48 years of quarantine, 1990

Friday, April 23, 2010

Can You Believe This One!

The phone cut in as I was trying to scoop the fillings into the twice baked potatoes.

"Mimi, this is Meg. How are all of your babies?"

It was the kitten intake coordinator for the cat rescue. I gave her the report about Tailless and told her how the rest were doing.

Somehow, though, I knew she hadn't called just to pass the time of day, and I was right.

"Feel up to a litter of 5?" she asked.

I thought for about a nanosecond. "Sure, my 4 bigger ones are weaned. What's the story?"

It is always interesting to hear where they came from. This time, it was one of those "makes you so mad you could scream" stories.

"Some kids out in the Hargreaves area found them tied in a plastic bag with dirt and rocks, thrown in the road to get run over."

I will tell this story to many people, and they will be shocked. I'm not.

Yes, I can believe this one. I've heard it before, and I've heard worse.

Four classic tabbies, one marble tabby. One male, four female. Eyes open, about 3 weeks old, the same age as Tailless. She now has a litter to keep her company.

Sweetie's comment was, "Wow, another box of trouble! Thank Jesus! Good thing the monster who threw them away didn't have me there to catch him."

And yes, we are nuts. Ten foster kittens. Full house, happy home.

In honor of national humor month


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... But she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me " In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

Today is

Blue Day

Book Day and Lover's Day, Spain --women give books to men, while men give flowers to the women. Celebrated in the Spanish city of Barcelona since 1714 to honor Spanish writer Miguel de Cervantes (author of "Don Quixote") and in observance of St. George's Day

Chance Day -- Fairy Calendar

Children's Day, Turkey

Ewe's Day, Bulgaria

Festival of Jupiter and Venus -- Ancient Roman Calendar

Independence Day, Turkey (a/k/a National Sovereignty Day)

Industry Day

International Special Librarians Day

Global Youth Service Day, through the 25th

Lover's Day

National Cherry Cheesecake Day

National Zucchini Bread Day - they hold this at a time when you are not sick of all that zucchini.

Peppercorn Ceremony, Bermuda

Read To Me Day

Sigurd the Dragon Slayer's Day

St. Adalbert's Day (patron of Prussia)

St. George's Day -- Christian (patron saint of England, Portugal, Germany, the Boy Scouts, cavalry, equestrians, farmers, horses; against leprosy, syphilis; by the middle ages, St. George was revered in much of Europe as the personification of chivalry)*

Take a Chance Day

Talk Like Shakespeare Day

World Book & Copyright Day

World Laboratory Animal Day

*To save a Maid, St. George the Dragon slew
A pretty tale, if all is told to be true
Most say, there are no Dragons, and tis said
There was no George: pray God there was a Maid.
-- John Aubrey, Remains of Gentilism (1688)

Birthdays Today:

Dev Patel, 1990
John Cena, 1977
Scott Bairstow, 1970
George Lopez, 1961
Valerie Bertinelli, 1960
Craig Sheffer, 1960
Jan Hooks, 1957
Michael Moore, 1954
Joyce DeWitt, 1949
Sandra Dee, 1942
Lee Majors, 1940
Roy Orbison, 1936
Shirley Temple Black, 1928
Vladimire Nabokov, 1899
Sergei Prokofiev, 1891
James Buchanan, 1791
William Penn, 1621
William Shakespeare, 1564

Today in History:

The founding of the Order of the Garter by King Edward III is announced on St George's Day, 1348
Connecticut is chartered as an English colony, 1662
Canada issues its first postage stamps, 1851
The Vitascope system of movie projection debuts the first motion picture at Koster & Bial's Music Hall in NYC, 1896
Namibia becomes the 160th member of the UN and the 50th member of the Commonwealth of Nations, 1990
Eritrians vote overwhelmingly for independence from Ethiopia, 1993

Thursday, April 22, 2010


My phone rang at co-op, and I reached for it slowly, thinking Sweetie was calling to ask for a phone number or some such. So often he calls when I am not home and just can't help him, and it frustrates us both.

It was the house phone, though, so there must be some problem. I steeled myself and answered.

"Hey, mom, I'm scared!" It was #2 Son, and he did sound panicked, which was unusual. My mind raced, wishing he would hurry with the details. I was imagining a dying kitten or some blood or broken bones somewhere.

"What is it, son?" I'm sounding calm, but thinking, please don't let this be something that I have to race all the way back home for.

"Mom, I'm scared! There are cops everywhere! They are doing another bust on the drug dealer up the street," he said.

Is that all? What a shame, the world has come to this, that the SWAT team hits my street and it doesn't even phase me. And this is one of the nicest neighborhoods in the city, with home values that haven't even hiccuped in the economy.

"Son, just stay inside, keep the door locked, and don't worry about it. They aren't going to be coming near our house."

"But mom, I'm scared!" He actually sounded more excited than scared, and his next words proved that I was right about that. "Be sure to tell Little Girl, okay?"

There it was, he wanted to hold it over her head that he got to see it go down, and she didn't.

I told him again to stay in the house with the door locked, and hung up. I mentioned the conversation to a couple of the other moms who live in my neighborhood, and Stacie told us about her misadventure from several years before that ended with police in her driveway.

It seems that she and her husband had just moved in, and her 4 year old was having an asthma attack. The child was turning blue and screaming in panic because he couldn't breathe. The 10-month-old was screaming because the 4-year-old was screaming.

She called the neighbor to see if he could watch the baby while she took the older one to the emergency room. He agreed, and she walked out of the back door of the house to meet him, forgetting that in this new house, she had an alarm system. So, add the cacophony of the alarm going off.

Meanwhile, the neighbor's dog came running out when he came out to meet her. The dog went into her house and started fighting with her much smaller dog. The alarm company called.

So now she is trying to calm the children, separate the dogs, and talk on the phone while readying another dose of steroid for the child to keep him breathing until they can get to the ER.

The alarm company person hears two children screaming, the dogs barking and growling, Stacie yelling at the bigger dog, "Don't kill her!" the neighbor yelling at his dog while trying to separate them, and Stacie is trying to convince this person that nothing is happening.

Seven squad cars that had been on a call nearby pulled in.

A typical mommy day.

In honor of national humor month:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself 'Lillian,you should have remained a virgin.'
~ Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
~ Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
~ George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
~ Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~ Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~ Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
~ Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
~ Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~ Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~ Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
~ Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
~ Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
~ W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~ Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~ Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~ Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~ Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Today is

Buccaneer Days Celebration, Corpus Christi, Texas -- through May 2

Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day

Earth Day

Girl Scout Leader Day

National Jelly Bean Day

Queen Isabella Day, Spain

Sniff-the-Breeze Day, Egypt

St. Alexander's Day

Take Our Daughters & Sons To Work Day

Birthdays Today:

Daniel Johns, 1979
Kim Elizabeth, 1978
Peter Frampton, 1950
John Waters, 1946
Jack Nicholson, 1937
Glen Campbell, 1936
Aaron Spelling, 1928
Yehudi Menuhin, 1916
Eddie Albert, 1906
Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiev, 1891
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, 1870
Immanuel Kant, 1724
Queen Isabella, 1451

Today in History:

Portuguese navigator Pedro Cabral becomes the first European to sight Brazil, 1500
President George Washington attends a performance of Rickett's, the first circus in the US, 1793
Thomas Stevens sets out from San Francisco on the first round the world journey by bicycle, 1884
The Oklahoma land rush begins at noon; thousands rush to claim land, and the towns of Oklahoma City and Guthrie are formed within hours with populations of over 10,000 each, 1889
Pravda begins publication in St. Petersburg, 1912
The Germans begin using poison chlorine gas as a chemical weapon, 1915
The first Earth Day is celebrated, 1970
The Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. is dedicated, 1993
Four Canadian soldiers are killed 75 kilometers north of Kandahar, Afghanistan by a roadside bomb planted by Taliban militants, the worst single day combat loss for the Canadian army since the Korean War, 2006

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


The older kittens are starting to barely catch on, but they are finally eating some on their own!

Johnny Depp drinks from the bowl happily, if you once get him started. Forrest does it with disapproval dripping from her whiskers with the milk if she is hungry enough. Neferteri is starting to get the hang of it. Bud finally waded into the bowl itself, paws first.

All of them will eat dry kibble if it is well buttered first, and held up to their mouths.

They still all want the bottle, but now I can take them to get weighed and scheduled for surgery.

Tailless is growing and doing quite well.

In honor of national humor month:

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still wet on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'


Today is

Administrative Professionals Day or Secretary's Day

Alfred G. Packer Day, Colorado

Birthday of Ch'un T'i, China (queen of heaven)

Brasilia Day, Brazil

Festival of Sacred Groves

First Day of Ridvan -- Baha'i

Homecoming of the Elves -- Fairy Calendar

Kartini Day, Indonesia (honoring a leader who helped emancipate women)

Kindergarten Day

National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day

Parilia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (shepherd's festival)

San Jacinto Day

Birthdays Today:

Robert Smith, 1959
Andie Macdowell, 1958
James Morrison, 1954
Tony Danza, 1951
Iggy Pop, 1947
Charles Grodin, 1935
Elaine May, 1932
Elizabeth II, Queen of the United Kingdom, 1926
Anthony Quinn, 1915
John Muir, 1838
Charlotte Bronte, 1816
Catherine the Great, 1729
Jan van Riebeeck, 1619

Today in History:

Traditional date for the founding of Rome by Romulus and Remus, BC753
Marc Antony continues to battle the senators who assasinated Julius Caesar in the Battle of Mutina, which he loses, BC43
Henry VIII ascends the throne of England, 1509
Hernan Cortez lands in Veracruz, 1519
The Maryland Toleration Act is passed, granting religious freedom to all in that colony, 1649
Catherine the Great ends noble privileges in Russia, 1785
Tiradentes, leader of the independence movement in Brazil, is executed, 1792
Republic of Texas forces under Sam Houston defeat Mexican troops under Santa Ana, winning the Battle of San Jacinto and the independence of Texas, 1836
The first train crosses the first bridge over the Mississippi River, crossing from Rock Island, Illinois to Davenport, Iowa, 1855
Alexander Douglas patents the bustle, 1857
Baha'u'llah, the founder of the Baha'i' faith, declares his mission, 1863
The first firehouse pole is installed in a firehouse in NYC, 1878
The Red Baron (Manfred von Richthofen)is shot down, 1918
Brasilia is officially inaugurated as the capital of Brazil, 1960
Alexander Wolszczan announces his the discovery of extrasolar planets, 1994

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

How To Get It All Done

I have figured out how to get everything done. Stop sleeping and stop eating.

If I didn't have to take time out to do either of those things, I might, just maybe, be able to keep up.

Tailless is eating well, and cries every time she is put down. It really is not good for kittens to be alone. She also doesn't like to be in my shirt, as she has her eyes open and wants to be looking around, as she should. So, we pass her around and take turns doing everything one handed. It can get kind of complicated.

Today is the last teaching co-op of the semester. I am planning a revue, and looking forward to next week's performance day. We get to see the art and photography and other displays, and see what the drama, piano, violin, and film making classes have been up to all semester.

In honor of national humor month:

Summer Classes for Men at


by Monday April 26, 2010

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Today is

Anniversary of Something That Happened So Long Ago Everyone Has Forgotten Day -- Fairy Calendar

Astronomy Day

Cuckoo Day

Festival of Fabulous Wild Women (since the men get their day in January, I guess it is only fair)

Look Alike Day

Maple Sugar Festival

National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day

Radium Day (the Curies isolated it on this day)

Rice Planting Day, Thailand

Volunteer Recognition Day

Yom Ha'atzma'ut, Israel (Independence Day)

Birthdays Today:

Joey Lawrence, 1976
Carmen Electra, 1972
Don Mattingly, 1961
Clint Howard, 1959
Luther Vandross, 1951
Jessica Lange, 1949
Ryan O'Neal, 1941
George Takei, 1937
Nina Foch, 1924
Lionel Hampton, 1908
Harold Lloyd, 1839
Joan Miro, 1893

Today in History:

The last naval battle in Byzantine history, 1453
Jews are expelled from Orange Burgundy, 1505
Jacques Cartier begins the voyage in which he will claim Canada and Labrador for France, 1534
Freedom of religion is granted to the Jews of New Amsterdam, 1657
Captain Cook arrives in New South Wales, 1770
René Caillié becomes the first non-Muslim to enter Timbouctou, 1828
Edgar Allan Poe's Murder in the Rue Morgue becomes the first detective story ever published, 1841
Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard complete their first pasteurization tests, 1862
Manfred von Richthofen, aka The Red Baron, shoots down his 79th and 80th victims marking his final victories before his death the next day, 1918
Western Electric and Warner Bros. announce Vitaphone, a process to add sound to film, 1926
Apollo 16, commanded by John Young, lands on the moon, 1972