Tuesday, April 20, 2010

How To Get It All Done

I have figured out how to get everything done. Stop sleeping and stop eating.

If I didn't have to take time out to do either of those things, I might, just maybe, be able to keep up.

Tailless is eating well, and cries every time she is put down. It really is not good for kittens to be alone. She also doesn't like to be in my shirt, as she has her eyes open and wants to be looking around, as she should. So, we pass her around and take turns doing everything one handed. It can get kind of complicated.

Today is the last teaching co-op of the semester. I am planning a revue, and looking forward to next week's performance day. We get to see the art and photography and other displays, and see what the drama, piano, violin, and film making classes have been up to all semester.

In honor of national humor month:

Summer Classes for Men at

THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday April 26, 2010
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at
7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Today is

Anniversary of Something That Happened So Long Ago Everyone Has Forgotten Day -- Fairy Calendar

Astronomy Day

Cuckoo Day

Festival of Fabulous Wild Women (since the men get their day in January, I guess it is only fair)

Look Alike Day

Maple Sugar Festival

National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day

Radium Day (the Curies isolated it on this day)

Rice Planting Day, Thailand

Volunteer Recognition Day

Yom Ha'atzma'ut, Israel (Independence Day)


Birthdays Today:

Joey Lawrence, 1976
Carmen Electra, 1972
Don Mattingly, 1961
Clint Howard, 1959
Luther Vandross, 1951
Jessica Lange, 1949
Ryan O'Neal, 1941
George Takei, 1937
Nina Foch, 1924
Lionel Hampton, 1908
Harold Lloyd, 1839
Joan Miro, 1893


Today in History:

The last naval battle in Byzantine history, 1453
Jews are expelled from Orange Burgundy, 1505
Jacques Cartier begins the voyage in which he will claim Canada and Labrador for France, 1534
Freedom of religion is granted to the Jews of New Amsterdam, 1657
Captain Cook arrives in New South Wales, 1770
René Caillié becomes the first non-Muslim to enter Timbouctou, 1828
Edgar Allan Poe's Murder in the Rue Morgue becomes the first detective story ever published, 1841
Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard complete their first pasteurization tests, 1862
Manfred von Richthofen, aka The Red Baron, shoots down his 79th and 80th victims marking his final victories before his death the next day, 1918
Western Electric and Warner Bros. announce Vitaphone, a process to add sound to film, 1926
Apollo 16, commanded by John Young, lands on the moon, 1972

2 comments:

  1. For a minute there, I thought you were teaching the kitties to do drama, piano, and violin. (Actually, I think the first of those come naturally to kittens ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, the cats are drama queens.

    If I could teach them to accompany themselves, I wouldn't have to be a janitor any more.

    ReplyDelete