It's April, so it's National Humor Month, so today's letter of the day, B, is brought to you by Boudreaux, the long-suffering butt of Cajun jokes.
Boudreaux, he done got tired of hearing Clothile, his wife, fussing at him when he come home from the bar late ever' night. So one night, when she ask him what he doin' down dere, he dares her to come and see.
The next night, she take him up on the offer, and go wit' him to the bar. He take her to the bartender and say, "Give her a double whiskey." When the drink is put in front of her, he say, "Dere, drink dat, as fast as you can, jus' belt it down!"
Clothile pick up the glass and begins to toss back the whiskey. About halfway through, she start gagging and spitting and yelling, and she say, "How can you stan' dat stuff! Dat's awful!" and Boudreaux he say, "You see! You see! An' all dis time you t'ink I's down here having a good time!"
Well, on the way home from the bar, they argue again, and Boudreaux he say, "I need my space, woman!" So as soon as they get in the driveway she runs in the house and locks him out and yells, "Dere, you done got all the space you want out dere!"
So Boudreaux, he stay away from home after dat for a few days, and Clothile she get her friend Marie to go down to the police station to file one of dem dere missin' person report. She go in, and she tell the officer what she want to do, and he say, "Okay, give me a description."
Clothile say, "Well, les' see. He six foot two, and blonde, and look like one of dem dere body builder guys!" So the officer say, "Give me a moment," and goes in the back.
Then Marie say, "Clothile! Wha' for you tell him all dem lies? Boudreaux be only five foot six, and he bald, and overweight!" And Clothile say, "Marie, shush! If dey got one look like what I just say back dere, I don' want Boudreaux back!"
Well, Boudreaux he get tired of bein' out wanderin', so he decide he goin' come home, but he decide he goin' bring home a present for his wife. He go to an estate auction to fin' her sometin' nice, and he see a parrot. And he decide he want de parrot. So when it come up for auction, the biddin' start at $300. "Four hunnerd!" yell Boudreaux.
"Five," called out another voice. "Six," yell Boudreaux. "Seven," calls the other voice, and Boudreaux, he get mad, he want dat parrot. So he go up and say, "T'ousan dollar!"
No other bids come in, and "Sold" calls the auctioneer. So Boudreaux he go up to get him his parrot and he say, "Do de parrot talk?" and the auctioneer say, "He shore, do, who do you t'ink was bidding agin' you!"
Boudreaux take de parrot home, and give it to Clothile, and she still mad and fussing. "What you t'ink I's gonna do wit' dat bird!" she yell.
And Boudreaux he say, "Now, look, woman! I be the man, and I run dis here house!" Well, Clothile din't see it dat way, and after the swellin' in his eyes wen' down, he din't see it dat way any more, either. Now he run t'ings, a' right -- he run de dishwasher, he run the washin' machine...
Enjoy your day, everyone!
Feast of Acan -- Ancient Mayan Calendar
(god of wine, whose name means either "belch" or "groan", depending on
your source -- although both seem apt, one during the celebration, the
other after; date approximate)
Great Lovers Day -- you don't have to be a Cassanova to celebrate the great lovers in your life!
Festival/Tutti Day -- Hungerford, Berkshire, England (commemorates a
battle in 1002 A.D. when Saxon women defeated the invading Danes;
celebrated in the Middle Ages by women imprisoning their men and, after
paying the church, retrieving them)
Children's Book Day -- on the birth anniversary of Hans Christian
Andersen, sponsored this year by the USA division of IBBY (International
Board on Books for Young People); this year's theme is "Bookjoy around
Malvinas Day -- Argentina (honors veterans of the Falklands War)
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Pesach ends -- Judaism (Passover; ends at sunset today)
Festival begins -- China; Taiwan (a/k/a Pure Brightness Festival or
Tomb-sweeping Day; through Apr. 4, which is the main celebration)
Reconciliation Day -- as recommended by columnist Ann Landers, use today to reach out and mend a broken relationship
Sizdehbedar -- Iran (Nature Day)
Spring Fever and Medical Aid Appeal -- Fairy Calendar
Francis of Paloa's Day (Patron of boatmen, mariners, naval officers,
sailors, travellers, watermen; Amato, Italy; Calbria, Italy; Fossato
Serraita, Italy; Sant'Agata di Esaro, Italy; against fire, plague, and
St. Urban of Langres' Day (Patron of
barrel makers/coopers, gardeners, vine dressers/vine growers/vintners;
Dijon, France; Langres, France; against alcoholism, blight, fainting,
Taily Day -- Scotland (engage in pranks related to your tail end, a second day of April fooling)
Thai Heritage Conservation Day -- Thailand
Unity of Peoples of Russia and Belarus Day -- Belarus
World Autism Awareness Day -- UN
Napoleon Bonaparte marries the Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria, 1810
Ron "Horshack" Palillo, 1949
Emmylou Harris, 1947
Linda Hunt, 1945
Leon Russell, 1942
Dr. Demento, 1941
Marvin Gaye, 1939
Jack Webb, 1920
Alec Guinness, 1914
Buddy Ebsen, 1908
Max Ernst, 1891
Walter Chrysler, 1875
Emile Zola, 1840
Hans Christian Anderson, 1805
Giacomo Casanova, 1725
Today in History:
Mehmed II begins his siege of Istanbul/Constantinople, 1453
Juan Ponce de Leon becomes the first European to set foot in Florida, 1513
"American Farmer," the first successful agricultural journal, begins publication, 1819
Victoria Woodhull becomes the first woman nominated for president of the US, 1870
The first Easter egg roll is held on the White House lawn, 1877
Puerto Rico is given limited self rule by the US Congress, 1900
The first full time movie theater, the "Electric Theater," opens in Los Angeles, 1902
The Titanic undergoes sea trials under her own power, 1912
President Woodrow Wilson asks Congress to declare war on Germany, 1917
Haile Selassie is proclaimed emperor of Ethiopia, 1930
Charles Lindbergh turns over the $50,000 ransom for his kidnapped son, 1932
The first official Panda crossing is opened outside Waterloo station, London, 1962
Argentine forces sieze the Falkland Islands, beginning the Falklands War, 1982
Rita Johnston becomes the first female Premier of a Canadian province (British Columbia), 1991
Israeli forces surround and besiege the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem into which armed Palestinians had retreated, 2002
5 hours ago