In honor of national humor month:
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...But that's not the worst of it.My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed... My fuel rate burns inefficiently.Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
But here's the worst of it --
Today is
Blame Someone Else Day
Fisherman's Festival
Huguenot Day, France
International Moment of Laughter Day
Libertas -- Ancient Roman Calendar (goddess of liberty)
National Day, Chad
National Peach Cobbler Day
Oistins Fish Festival, Barbados
Scrabble Day
Songkran Festival, in Singapore, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Burma, & Laos (new year festival, celebrated when the sun enters the zodiac sign of Aries)
Squashing of Moonhopper Day -- Fairy Calendar
Tax Freedom Day
Thomas Jefferson Day
Birthdays Today:
Jonathan Brandis, 1976
Rick Schroder, 1970
Garry Kasparov, 1963
Max Weinberg, 1951
Al Green, 1946
Tony Dow, 1945
Lowell George, 1945
Jack Casady, 1944
Lyle Waggoner, 1935
Don Adams, 1926
Howard Keel, 1919
Eudora Welty, 1909
Samuel Beckett, 1906
Butch Cassidy, 1866
F.W. Woolworth, 1852
Thomas Jefferson, 1743
Guy Fawkes, 1570
Today in History:
The Seventh Crusade is defeated in Egypt with the capture of Louis IX of France, 1250
Henry IV of France signs the Edict of Nantes, granting freedom of religion and political rights to Huguenots (French Protestants), 1598
John Dryden, age 36, becomes the first English Poet Laureate, 1668
The first elephant seen in the Western Hemisphere arrives from India, 1796
The British Parliament grants religious freedom to Roman Catholics, 1829
Hungary becomes a republic, 1849
The first US Pony Express run is completed, 1860
George Westinghouse patents a steam powered brake, 1869
J.C. (James Cash) Penney opens his first store, 1902
British troops fire on unarmed demonstrators in Amritsar, India, killing at least 379 and wounding over 1,200 more, 1919
Helen Hamilton becomes the first woman US Civil Service Commissioner, 1920
Lord Clydesdale makes the first flight over Mt. Everest, 1933
The Jefferson Memorial is dedicated on the 200th anniversary of his birth, in Washington, D.C., 1943
Van Cliburn becomes the first American to win the Tchaikovsky Competition in Moscow, 1958
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