Chickens and Chuckles, a Random and Happy Tuesday Post

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It's time once again for a random and happy Tuesday, linking up with Stacy's Random Thoughts at Stacy Uncorked and Sandee at Comedy Plus.  

As of now, i still have not heard back about whether or not my jury duty will be postponed.  If i don't hear today, i may call and make sure they got the email request.

Brother-in-Law was fussing about needing to wash his towels, lamenting that the laundromat at the apartment complex he moved into is closed at night.

When i offered him a clean towel, he just looked at me with a pained expression and said, "Actually, if I'm going to shower at the gym, I need two towels."

Sweetie asked, "Why would you have to have two towels?"  Then, before Brother-in-Law could answer, he said, "Oh, I know, you need two towels to cover that much real estate!"

They really do pick on each other unmercifully sometimes, but woe betide the outsider who picks on one or the other.

Carl's small apartment yesterday was as usual, and before he left for work i was tidying around him and trying to encourage him to finish up his breakfast so he would be out the door on time.  He kept muttering to himself, and finally turned to me and said, "I guess G-d wants us to get close to people and share the Gospel even if germs might attack us."

Not knowing what situation led him to that conclusion, i simply answered that as long as we are doing what we know The Lord wants us to do, the results are up to Him and we can leave everything in His tender care.  That seemed to make Carl feel better to hear that.

Shoot, it makes me feel better to hear that.

Okay, time for some funnies, courtesy of Grandma:

 *Why did the chicken cross the road?*

 *BARACK OBAMA:  Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their

 eggs they can keep their eggs.  No chicken will be required to cross

 the road to surrender her eggs. Period.*

 *JOHN McCAIN:  My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he

 recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the

 chickens on the other side of the road.*

 *HILLARY CLINTON:  What difference at this point does it make why the

 chicken crossed the road?*

 *DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?*

 *COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the

 satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. *

 *BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.*

 *AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.*

 *JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am

 now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about

 the chicken's intentions.  I am not for it now, and will remain

 against it.*

 *AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white?*

 *DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't

 realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the

 road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.

 What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not

 taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.*

 *OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which

 is why he wants to cross the road so badly.  So instead of having the

 chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of

 life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just

 drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the

 chickens.*

 *ANDERSON COOPER:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but

 we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the

 road.*

 *NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty!  You

 can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.*

 *MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way the chicken

 was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my

 eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave

 me any insider information.*

 *DR. SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a

 toad?  Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not

 been told.*

 *ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.*

 *JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay!  Can't you people see

 the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.  Yes, my

 friends, that chicken was gay.  If you eat that chicken, you will

 become gay too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this

 abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless

 phrases like 'the other side.  That chicken should not be crossing the

 road. It's as plain and as simple as that.*

 *GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.

 Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good

 enough for us.*

 *BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting?  In a few moments, we will

 be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming

 story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to

 accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.*

 *ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.*

 *JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads

 together, in peace.*

 *BILL GATES:  I have just released e-Chicken 2021, which will not only

 cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and

 balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of

 e-Chicken 2021.  This new platform is much more stable and will never

 reboot.*

 *ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the

 road move beneath the chicken?*

 *COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one???*

Twins!

Have a blessed and beautiful Tuesday, everyone!

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Today is:

Best Friends Day -- as declared by the ecard people

Bounty Anniversary Day -- Norfolk Island (celebrates the arrival of the Bounty descendents from Pitcairn Island)

Feast of Bona Mens -- Ancient Roman Calendar (goddess of right thinking, the personification of the mind)

Judgement Day -- Fairy Calendar (The Good and Evil are given their just rewards)

Lindisfarne Day -- Asatru/Slavic Pagan (commemorating the Viking raid on Lindisfarne in 793)

Magic Circles Day and Magic History Gathering -- marking the founding of The Magic Circle, a society of amateur and professional magicians 

Name Your Poison Day -- just another wacky holiday with no explanations

National Caribbean-American Health and Aids Awareness Day    

National Jelly-Filled Doughnut Day

Primoz Trubar Day -- Slovenia (birth anniversary of the author of the first Slovene language books and consolidated the Slovene language)

St. Medard's Day (Patron of brewers, captives, imprisoned people, mentally ill people, peasants, prisoners, vineyards; for good harvests, good weather, and rain; against bad weather, imprisonment, sterility, and toothache) related event:

     Festival of the Rose -- Salency, France (on St. Medard's Day, and supposedly begun by that saint before the year 545)

Upsy Daisy Day -- the day to remind people to get up joyfully and gratefully each morning (tell that to my sleep-til-noon family!)

Vacuum Cleaner Day -- Ives W. McGaffee obtained a patent on this day in 1869 for the first carpet cleaner that worked on a vaccuum priciple

Watch Day -- the sign that you are over 30, you still wear a watch!

World Brain Tumor Day -- International

World Oceans Day   

World Pet Memorial Day -- some sites say this is always on June 10, others that it's always on the second Tuesday in June, but none can tell us where it came from or who started it that i can find

Anniversary Today:

Christopher O'Neill marries Princess Madeleine of Sweden, 2013

Birthdays Today:

Kim Clijsters, 1983

Kayne West, 1977

Julianna Margulies, 1966

Keenen Ivory Wayans, 1958

Scott Adams, 1957

Tim Berners-Lee, 1955

Griffin Dunne, 1955

Kathy Baker, 1950

Sara Paretsky, 1947

Boz Scaggs, 1944

Don Grady, 1944

Andrew Weil, MD, 1942

Nancy Sinatra, 1940

Bernie Casie, 1939

James Darren, 1936

Joan Rivers, 1933

Jerry Stiller, 1927

Barbara Bush, 1925

Robert Preston, 1918

Byron Raymond White, 1917

Francis Crick, 1916

Frank Lloyd Wright, 1867

Debuting/Premiering Today:

Trading Places(Film), 1983

Malaeska; The Indian Wife of the White Hunter(First "dime novel", Publication date), 1860

Today in History:

Vikings raid the abbey at Lindisfarne in Northumbria, commonly accepted as the beginning of the Scandinavian invasion of England, 793

Richard the Lionheart's Crusade begins with his arrival at Acre, 1191

American attackers are driven back at Trois-Rivières, Quebec, 1776

The volcano Laki, in Iceland, begins an eight-month eruption which kills over 9,000 people and starts a seven-year famine, 1783

Mr. Hall of NYC advertises the first commercially made ice cream, 1786

Ives W McGaffey of Chicago patents the first vacuum cleaner, 1869

Herman Hollerith receives a patent for his punched card calculator, 1887

Theodore Roosevelt signs the Antiquities Act into law, authorizing the President to restrict the use of certain parcels of public land with historical or conservation value, 1906

Carl Laemmle incorporates Universal Pictures, 1912

Milton Berle hosts the debut of Texaco Star Theater, 1948

The United States Supreme Court rules that Washington, D.C. restaurants could not refuse to serve black patrons, 1953

The first World Ocean Day is celebrated, coinciding with the Earth Summit held in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, 1992

The first Transit of Venus since 1882 takes place, 2004

Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia, is hit by the State's worst storms and flooding in 30 years, 2007

Australia bans live cattle exports to Indonesia for up to six months in response to reports of cruel treatment at Indonesian slaughterhouses, 2011

The world's most powerful supercomputer, Summit, which can process 200,000 trillion calculations per second, is launched at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, Tennessee, by IBM and NVidia, 2018

The World Bank says it expects the global economy to shrink this year by 5.2% due to Covid-19, 2020