Silly Sunday: None for me, thanks!

Silly Sunday is hosted by Sandee, of Comedy Plus.

Silly Sunday is the place to come for weekly laughs.  The rules are simple, just have fun.

This is a great opportunity to get to know other bloggers and have a laugh or two in the process.

Here is how it works: Laugh and Link Up!

1. Post a joke.
2. Link Up with the URL to your joke in the Linky Tools Widget.
3. Read my joke.
4. Leave a comment to tell me how much you enjoyed my joke.
5. Try and visit a few others participating in Silly Sunday.
6. Go to Sandee's site, linked above, and get the Silly Sunday code for your blog, too! 

"Mom, may I borrow the car so I can drive to the dollar store for cups to play beer pong while we listen to the football game?" #2 Son asked as he walked past me with two large metal street signs.

Only if you promise i won't find any of you passed out drunk on the lawn later, i told him.  And what are you doing with the street signs?  Please tell me you did not steal them!

"Mom, we only bought a six-pack to share between all of us, it's all we could afford, and I promise it's not enough to get drunk on.  We just want small cups so we can play.  And no, I did not steal these, I liberated them from the garbage pile on which some workers had placed them."

Go get your cups, i said, and please don't leave the signs here, i do not choose to decorate my house in early college boy dorm, okay?

"Sure thing!" he said grinning as he grabbed the keys.

Of course, them wanting something a little bit harder than water or milk or juice while eating and listening to the game reminds me of a joke.

Boudreaux go in de apothecary an' while he be pickin' up de medicine his doctor tell him to take he be moanin' an complainin' 'bout how many o' dem dere is, an' he ax Gremillon de apothecary, "How many o' dem pills dey got you on?"

An' Gremillon say, "Mais, I don' take me none o' dem!  Dey tell me at de pharmacy school, dey be to sell, not to take!"

'Round 'bout an hour later, Gremillon close de shop an' go nex' door to de saloon, an' dere sit Boudreaux wit' some dark liquid in de glass in front him.  An' Gremillon say, "Boudreaux, you be gots you a dairy farm!  Don' you drink milk?"

An' Boudreaux say, "Mais, no!  Milk be to sell, Bourbon be to drink!"

Today is:

Armed Forces Day -- Abkhazia

Bonn Phchum Ben -- Cambodia (Ancestors' Day; through the 13th)

Burgoo Festival -- North Utica, IL, US (only the Burgoomeister knows the secret recipe!  enjoy the burgoo, as well as music, food, antiques, and more)

Cephalopod Awareness Days:  Myths and Legends Day -- celebrating the most intelligent invertebrates in the world; for all the cephalopods of legend, literature and movies

Chicago Marathon

Cirio de Nazare -- Belem, Brazil (two week Feast of Cirio begins in Belem [St. Mary of Bethlehem])

Clergy Appreciation Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day -- US (celebrating Casimir Pulaski, "the father of American cavalry")

Grandmother's Day -- FL, US

It's My Party Day -- so go have one!

Meditrinalia/Vinalia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (tasting of the year's new wine; in honor of Meditrina, goddess of health/medicine, longevity, and wine, and Bacchus, god of wine)

National Sausage Pizza Day

Old Michaelmas Day -- Celtic Calendar

Revolution Day/Uprising Against Fascism Day -- Republic of Macedonia

St. Gomar's Day (Patron of childless people, courtiers, cowherds, glove makers, people in difficult marriages, separated spouses, woodcutters; Lier, Belgium; against hernias)

Sunbeam Sliding Sunday -- Fairy Calendar (only occasionally on a Sunday)

Universal Music Day -- celebrate music as our universal language; this year's theme is "Building Bridges Toward World Harmony" 

White Sunday -- Samoa and American Samoa (children wear white to church and run the church services, are served a special meal, and recieve new church clothes for the upcoming year)

Windsor Pumpkin Regatta -- Windsor, NS, Canada (racing giant pumpkin boats [PVCs -- Personal Vegetable Crafts] across Lake Pezaquid, plus a parade and other festivities)

"You Go Girl!" Day -- in honor of Kathy Sullivan, first American woman to walk in space


Anniversary Today:

William Jefferson Clinton marries Hillary Rodham, 1975


Birthdays Today:

Emily Deschanel, 1976
Stephen Moyer, 1969
Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez, 1969
Jane Krakowski, 1968
Luke Perry, 1966
Joan Cusack, 1962
Steve Young, 1961
Dawn French, 1957
David Morse, 1953
Daryl Hall, 1948
Robert Gale, 1945
Ron Liebman, 1937
Dottie West, 1932
Roscoe Robinson, Jr., 1928
Elmore Leonard, 1925
Art Blakey, 1919
Jerome Robbins, 1918
Charles Revson, 1906
Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884
Harlan Fiske Stone, 1872
Henry John Heinz, 1844
George Williams, 1821 (founder, YMCA)
Mason Locke "Parson" Weems, 1759


Debuting/Premiering Today:

"Ma Rainey's Black Bottom"(Play), 1984
"Saturday Night Live"(TV), 1975
"Imagine"(Lennon single release), 1971
"Allegro"(Musical), 1947
"The Silver Tassie"(Play), 1929
The Comptometer (the first adding machine known to be accurate at all times, patented by Dorr Eugene Felt), 1887


Today in History:

Massive earthquake strikes Aleppo, Syria, 1138
Columbus' ship sites land on the horizon (the Bahamas), 1492
Huldrych Zwingli is killed in battle with the Roman Catholic cantons of Switzerland, 1531
Peter the Great becomes tsar of Russia, 1689
Explorer Meriwether Lewis dies under mysterious circumstances along the Natchez Trace in Tennessee at the Grinder's Stand Inn, 1809
The first steam powered ferryboat, the Juliana, begins operation, 1811
Australia's oldest university, University of Sidney, is inaugurated, 1852
The Great Chicago Fire is finally extinguished, 1871
David Houston patents roll film for cameras, 1881
First female FBI "special investigator", Alaska Davidson, appointed, 1922
With the opening of store # 1252, in Milford, Delaware, J.C. Penney becomes a nationwide company, with stores in all 48 states, 1929
CBS's mechanical color system is the first to be licensed for broadcast by the U.S. Federal Communications Commission, 1950
Pope John XXIII convenes the first ecumenical council of the Roman Catholic Church in 92 years, Vatican II, 1962
NASA launches Apollo 7, the first successful manned Apollo mission, 1968
The NBC sketch comedy/variety show Saturday Night Live debuts with George Carlin as the host and Andy Kaufman, Janis Ian and Billy Preston as guests, 1975
The Mary Rose, a Tudor carrack which sank on July 19 1545, is salvaged from the sea bed of the Solent, off Portsmouth, 1982
The record high of the Dow Jones Industrial Average occurs at 14,198.10 points, 2007
A ban on fracking is upheld by the Constitutional Council of France, 2013

Backseat Driver!

"Mom, can you come pick me up?"  Little Girl was calling from her last day at driving school, a bit earlier than i expected.

Sure, i told her, grabbed my keys and wallet, and headed out.  When i got there, i asked how she did.

"I got a 96% on the written test!" she gloated.  "That means I only missed two questions, and now I understand those, too.  The teacher was great.  She was interesting, had good anecdotes, kept our interest, we actually learned, and she went over what we each got wrong so we would understand it."

Wonderful! i said, and she responded with "Nine and 3!"

What? i asked.

"Your hands, on the wheel, you're supposed to have them at 9 and 3!"  She had a huge grin on her face.

Oh, so now you can correct me, right? i grinned back.

"Oh, you should have been in the car the other days, when dad came to pick me up!  He was doing so much wrong while he was driving, and I kept telling him and laughing, and he was mad!  It was so funny!"

That's called backseat driving, you know, and it can irritate people to no end, i told her.

"Yep!  Nine and 3!" she called out again, and we were both laughing.

Well, you may backseat drive me if you want, but my hands stay around 8 and 4, because of the airbag.

"Close enough," she said.  Then, "Oh, and we got to do something interesting today, too.  They have these glasses that you put on, and get in a driving simulator, and the glasses show you what you would see if you were drunk.  Guess what?  I didn't hit any pylons!  So I guess that means I would be a good drunk driver, even though I've never been drunk and don't ever want to be."

Well, that's a bit scary, i noted.  Please don't take that as a reason to drive impaired.  You might think you could do just as well, but you were probably driving very slowly to get those results.  At real speeds, with more than just stationary pylons around, you wouldn't do so well.

"Believe me, I'm too scared of what cars can do to ever really try to drive drunk or even be drunk.  Remember when I broke my arm and had to be on all of those prescription pain medicines?  I hated that, you can't think right, and I don't like that feeling.  No way I want to do that on purpose, get to where I'm not in control."

Neither do i, i noted.

"Nice blinker!" she yelled at the person who changed lanes in front of me with no signal.

While #2 Son didn't seem to much care either way, i think with this youngest i'm going to have to be on my toes a lot more, watching what i do more closely as i drive.

There are advantages to having a good backseat driver to be a role model for, and i'll take advantage of it.




Today is:

Anniversary of Snick-Snacker's Right Foot -- Fairy Calendar

Carnival Tuesday -- Granada

Day of Battle between Horus and Set; Aset gains the Horns of Hathor -- Ancient Egyptian Calendar (date approximate)

Defence Forces Day -- Zimbabwe

Festival of Aventine Diana / Nemoralia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (commemoration of the dedication of her temple; celebrated between now and the 15th, and rededicated as the Festival of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin after Christianization)

Festival of Xocotl Huetzi -- Ancient Aztec Calendar (first fruits of harvest festival; date approximate, but two weeks around the end of August)

Fox Hill Day -- Nassau, Bahamas

Independence Day -- Central African Republic(1960)

International Left-Hander's Day -- sponsored by Lefthanders International

International Sundance -- Manitoba, Canada (an extraordinary gathering of Elders from many Native traditions around the world, to perform the sacred Sundance of the Lakota people and sacred ceremonies of the other traditions represented; through Saturday)

Lao Issara -- Laos (Day of the Free Laos)

Lesser Festival of Flora -- Ancient Roman Calendar

Machias Wild Blueberry Festival -- Machias, ME, US (blueberries and fun, in the place that has lobster, too; through Saturday)

National Filet Mignon Day

Obon -- Buddhist (celebration to revere the ancestors; celebrated at different times even within Japan, but usually the biggest dates are in mid-August)

Qi Xi -- China (Double Seven or Chinese Valentine's Day, the 7th day of the 7th moon, the day all the magpies in the world form a bridge so the cowherd and the weaver can meet across the Milky Way, which separates them.)

Runic Half Month As begins (the gods)

Skinny Dipping Day -- funny t-shirt:  I no longer skinny dip. I chunky dunk!

St. Cassian's Day (Patron of students and teachers; Brixen, Italy; Comacchio, Italy; Imola, Italy; Mexico City, Mexico)

St. Concordia's day (Patron of nursing mothers and wet nurses)

St. Hippolytus' Day (Patron of horses, prison guards/officers/workers; Bibbiena, Italy)

Wall Day -- anniversary of the day in 1961 that the Berlin Wall began going up; observe it by trying to break down a wall or communication barrier somewhere in your own life

Women's Day -- Tunisia

World's Fair of Money -- Chicago, IL, US (the greatest money show on Earth, including dealers, exhibits from around the world, family activities and educational programs; through Saturday)


Birthdays Today

Danny Bonaduce, 1959
Midori Ito, 1969
Dan Fogelberg, 1951
Philippe Petit, 1949
Don Ho, 1930
Pat Harrington, Jr., 1929
Fidel Castro, 1926
George Shearing, 1919
Ben Hogan, 1912
Alfred Hitchcock, 1899
Bert Lahr, 1895
Annie Oakley, 1860


Today in History

The English army under King Henry V lands at the mouth of the Seine River, 1415
Tenochtitlan of the Aztecs is conquered by the Spanish, 1521
Tenbun Hokke Disturbance, in which Buddhist monks from Kyoto's Enryaku Temple set fire to 21 Nichiren temples throughout Kyoto, 1536
John Smith submits the story of Jamestown's first days for publication, 1608
Christiaan Huygens discovers the Martian south polar cap, 1642
Founding of Litchfield, CT, 1651
Marie Antoinette and other French royals are imprisoned by Revolutionaries, 1792
Nat Turner sees the solar eclipse which he interprets as a sign from heaven to begin his ill-fated slave rebellion, 1831
Earthquake in Peru and Ecuador kills 25,000, 1868
Ferdinand von Zeppelin patents his "Navigable Balloon", 1889
First production in the UK of stainless steel by Harry Brearley, 1913
Opha Mae Johnson is the first woman to enlist in the United States Marine Corps, 1918
Bayerische Motoren Werke AG (BMW) is established as a public company in Germany, 1918
The first barbed wire fence that would become the Berlin Wall is erected, 1961
The Apollo 11 astronauts are released from a three-week quarantine to enjoy a ticker-tape parade in New York, 1969
Michael Phelps sets the Olympic record for most the gold medals won by an individual in Olympic history, 2008

The pressure to perform, to be perfect, to do it all, is getting to women, and they are responding.

More of them are responding by getting drunk or high, or both, and getting behind the wheel of a vehicle under the influence.

I understand the pressure. When the campaign begins to have a 36 hour day, which still would probably not be enough to get everything done, I will be one of it's devout supporters.

There is always so much to do. Exercise. Eat right. Feed the family, and teach the homeschool lessons. Get the older ones to school. Part time job. Prepare Sunday school lessons. Laundry, bills, lawn care, auto maintenance, house cleaning, get the garbage and recycling out on the right day, shopping, running errands, none of it ever finished.

Plus you are supposed to spend time meditating, slowing down, praying, Bible study, all put on a to do list that grows ever longer as the days seem ever shorter.

Some women doing much of this stuff alone, even if married.

No wonder some cave to the pressure and just do something, anything, to try to relieve some of the strain, the worry, the sheer exhaustion.

I don't pretend to know the answers, but I do know that numbing it out with drugs or alcohol, and then getting in the car with the kids, is not one of them.

The only one I've found is to think of it all as job security. That way I laugh so I don't cry.

Then there is the bit of wisdom my mother gave me. It is a badly photocopied picture of Calvin, pirated from "Calvin and Hobbes", frowning in anger. Next to him it says, "God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die!"

Job security. Laugh, or the next sound you hear may be one you don't want to hear.


Today is:

Blame Somebody Else Day (I wouldn't suggest it, it will only start a fight you are too tired to finish.)

Congo National Festival begins

Daughter's Day

Festival of Huitzilopochtis, Aztec Calendar

Festival of the Volcano, Antigua and Guatemala

Hecate, Goddess of the Crossroads, Ancient Rome

Independence Day, Central African Republic

International Left-Hander's Day

National Filet Mignon Day

Occupation Day

Rathkamp Matchbook Society Convention

Skinny Dipping Day (I no longer skinny dip. I chunky dunk!)

St. Cassian's Day (Patron Saint of teachers -- yes, they are back in school already, heaven help them.)

St. Concordia's day (Patron Saint of nannies.)

St. Hippolytus' Day (Patron Saint of horses.)

St. Pontian's Day

Women's Day, Tunisia


Birthdays Today:

Dan Fogelberg, 1951
Don Ho, 1930
Pat Harrington, Jr., 1929
Fidel Castro, 1926
George Shearing, 1919
Alfred Hitchcock, 1899
Bert Lahr, 1895
Annie Oakley, 1860


Today in History:

The English army under King Henry V lands at the mouth of the Seine River, 1415
Tenochtitlan of the Aztecs conquered by the Spanish, 1521
Tenbun Hokke Disturbance, in which Buddhist monks from Kyoto's Enryaku Temple set fire to 21 Nichiren temples throughout Kyoto, 1536
John Smith submits the story of Jamestown's first days for publication, 1608
Christiaan Huygens discovers the Martian south polar cap, 1642
Founding of Litchfield, CT, 1651
Marie Antoinette and other French royals imprisoned by Revolutionaries, 1792
Earthquake in Peru and Ecuador kills 25,000, 1868