Thursday, November 17, 2011

Down On The Farm

National Farm Joke Day makes it easy:

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What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!

*****

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

*****

A farmboy was awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She told him he wouldn't get breakfast until he finished his chores.

One of his chores involved feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he took out his anger at being up early on the weekend on some of them. He kicked a chicken, a cow, and a pig.

When he finished his chores his mother just gave him a bowl of dry cereal for breakfast. When he asked why, his mother told him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig.

Right then his father came in angry about something and kicked the cat. The boy looked at his mother and said "Would you like to tell him or should I?"



Today is:

Army Day -- Democratic Republic of the Congo

Beaujolais Day -- International

Day of National Revival and Feast of Sacrifice -- Azerbaijan

Descending Day of Lord Buddha -- Bhutan

Electronic Greeting Card Day -- internet generated, and of course probably started by the electronic greeting card websites

Fast for an Abundant World Harvest -- sponsored by Oxfam America

Great American Smoke-Out Day -- US (but no matter where you live, if you want to try, go without today)

Homemade Bread Day -- use the bread machine, it's fun and easy, i promise!

International Students Day -- International (meant to celebrate all students around the world, not specifically students studying in countries other than their own)

Malabo Fiesta -- Equatorial Guinea

National Baklava Day

National Farm Joke Day

National Prematurity Awareness Day -- United States

Polytechneio -- Greece

Presidents Day -- Marshall Islands

Public Restroom Hand Dryer Appreciation Day -- internet generated, and why? they've been proven less sanitary, blowing germs everywhere; i will not appreciate this one

Shogi Day -- Japan (a chess-like game)

St. Elizabeth of Hungary's Day (Patron of nursing, bakers; against plague)

St. Gregory of Tours' Day a/k/a Gregory Wonderworker (Patron of desperate situations; against floods, earthquakes)

St. Hilda's Day (Patron of business women)

St. Hugh of Lincoln's Day (Patron of sick children)

Struggle for Freedom and Democracy Day -- Czech Republic; Slovakia

Student Youth Day -- Turkmenistan

Take A Hike Day -- internet generated, and some websites say it's actually "Tell Your Boss to Take a Hike Day", but i don't recommend that unless you've recently inherited a fortune or won the Lotto

Winter Welcome Quadrilles and Dainty-Sixes -- Fairy Calendar



Birthdays Today:

Laura Wilkinson, 1977
Daisy Fuentes, 1966
Danny DeVito, 1944
Lorne Michaels, 1944
Tom Seaver, 1944
Lauren Hutton, 1943
Martin Scorsese, 1942
Gordon Lightfoot, 1938
Rock Hudson, 1925
Lee Strassberg, 1901
Atahualpa, last Emperor of the Inca, 1502
Flavius Claudius Julianus, Roman Emperor, 331
Vespian, Roman Emperor, 9


Today in History:

Diocletian is proclaimed emperor by his soldiers, 284
England and Spain sign an anti-French covenant/treaty, 1511
Elizabeth I ascends the English throne, 1558
France and Spain sign the Peace of the Pyrenees treaty, 1659
The Church of England organizes in New England, 1785
Congress holds its first session in the still incomplete Capitol Building of Washington, D.C., 1800
The Delta Phi fraternity, America's oldest continuous social fraternity, is founded at Union College in Schenectady, New York, 1827
Ecuador and Venezuela separate from Greater Colombia, 1831
Street signs are first authorized at San Francisco intersections, 1853
David Livingstone becomes the first European to see Victoria Falls, 1855
Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's Slavonic March is given its première performance in Moscow, 1876
Japan and Korea sign The Eulsa Treaty, 1905
The first US dental hygienist course is formed, in Bridgeport, Connecticut, 1913
US declares the Panama Canal Zone to be neutral, 1914
Lenin defends the "temporary" removal of freedom of the press, 1917
American scientists John Bardeen and Walter Brattain observe the basic principles of the transistor, a key element for the electronics revolution of the 20th Century, 1947
Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse, 1970
In Czechoslovakia, the Velvet Revolution that would overthrow the communist government begins when student protests in Prague are quelled by riot police, 1989
Brian May of the rock band Queen was appointed Chancellor of Liverpool John Moores University, 2007

2 comments:

  1. Snorting at those jokes.. thanks for the laughs. That last one reminded me of one I knew as a teen. Essentially, Dad tells the kid he wasn't getting butter because he killed a butterfly. And no honey because he killed a honey bee. At home, Mom kills a cockroach and the the punchline is the same as yours .. with the opposite gender. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you enjoyed them, Hilary, and your version sounds funny, too.

    ReplyDelete