Clean Comedy and Sunday Selections

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Sandee at Comedy Plus used to host the Silly Sunday blog hop, and i got used to telling jokes on Sunday, so i still do.  This week, instead of a Cajun joke, i have a few funny lines from Uncle P, who did clean stand-up comedy.

“I’ve joined a compulsive liars’ anonymous support group, but how can I believe they’ve given me the correct day, time and meeting place?”

“When I was four years old, my Papa saved me from a cow on his farm that was trying to trample me to death.  Why can’t people just mind their own business?”

“I was often teased as a child, and one time they were really cruel.  I found my Radio Flyer wagon had the wheels stolen and it was up on Lego blocks.”

“Growing up, my dad gave my sister a pet snake.  Every day, I got a new pet hamster.  I’ll never forget Fluffy, or Fluffy, or Fluffy!”

“I’m pretty sure I was an accident.  My sister’s nickname was ‘Pleasant Surprise,’ mine was ‘Tequila Sunrise.’”

“It was hard being single so late in life.  People would ask me that question, ‘When are you going to meet yourself a good woman?’  Sometimes I just wanted to answer, ‘What if I just want to meet a sleazy tramp?  You ever think about that, Mom?’”

He had a sense of humor and he knew how to use it.

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Sunday Selections was started as a way for bloggers to use photos that might otherwise just languish in their files.  The rules have been relaxed, and it is now simply a showcase for your photos, new or old, good or bad, although nothing rude, please.  It was hosted by River, who still participates, and is now hosted by Elephant's Child.       

This week has been a bit crazy, so i've got an odd collection of what came in handy.

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photos

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Today is:

America's Cup Day -- the first America's Cup was won this date in 1851 by the yacht America

Be an Angel Day -- Sponsored by Angel Heights Healing Center, encouraging people to be a blessing and perform an act of service for someone

Bosphorus Cross-Continental Swim -- Istanbul, Turkey (over 1,000 swimmers take the opportunity to swim from one continent to the other, crossing the Bosphorus Strait from Asia to Europe)

Chung Yuan (Zhongyuan) Festival -- China (Festival of Hungry Ghosts; according to legend, during this 7th lunar month the souls of the dead are released from Purgatory to wander the Earth, and so today is the day to appease those spirits with joss stick burning, prayers and food, "ghost money", and other offerings; dates of this vary in other countries)

Eat a Peach Day

Feast of the Queenship of Mary & Immaculate Heart of Mary -- Catholic Christians

Flag Day -- Russia

Full Sturgeon Moon a/k/a Full Red Moon, Green Corn Moon, or Grain Moon

     Native Wild Rice Harvest -- Northern Cree, Ojibwa, and Algonkian Native Americans (celebrated during the August full moon; if there are two full moons, it is during the second)

     Nikini Full Moon Poya Day -- Sri Lanka (begins at sundown)

     Raksha Bandhan -- CG, GJ, MP, RJ, UK, & UP, India; Nepal (the Hindu festival that celebrates the the love and duty between brothers and sisters)

     Waso Full Moon -- Myanmar 

Hoodie Hoo Day, Southern Hemisphere -- Wellcat Holidays says to go outside at noon and call "Hoodie Hoo" to chase away winter and call spring

National Spumoni Day (I don't think I've had really great spumoni since I went to Italy all those years ago -- nothing like getting things at the source.)

National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day -- US (started by a vet who declared today a cat's only day for his practice, so his feline patients wouldn't be upset by any dogs in the place; now many vets will only schedule cats on a particular day)

Rumpleskunkskin's Wedding Anniversary -- Fairy Calendar (Goblin celebration)

St. Symphorian's Day (Patron of children, students; Autun, France; against eye problems, syphilis)

Anniversary Today:

Henry Leland founds the Cadillac Motor Company, 1902

Birthdays Today:

Kristin Wiig, 1973

Giada De Laurentiis, 1970

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, 1967

Tori Amos, 1963

Cindy Williams, 1947

Steve Kroft, 1945

Duane Charles "Bill" Parcells, 1941

Valerie Harper, 1940

Carl Yastrzemski, 1939

E. Annie Proulx, 1935

Norman Schwarzkopf, 1934

Gerald Paul Carr, 1932

Ray Bradbury, 1920

John Lee Hooker, 1917

Henri Cartier-Bresson, 1908

Helene Bertha Amalie "Leni" Riefenstahl, 1902

George Herriman, 1880

Dorothy Parker, 1893

Claude Debussy, 1862

Archibald MacNeal Willard, 1836

Samuel Pierpont Langley, 1834

Virginia Clemm Poe, 1822

St. Anthony of Padua, 1195

Debuting/Premiering Today:

"Later with Bob Costas"(TV), 1988

Today in History:

St. Columba reports seeing a monster in Loch Ness, 565

The Battle of Bosworth Field, in which King Richard III is killed and his forces defeated by Henry VII, 1485

Madras, India (now called Chennai) is founded by the British East India company on land purchased from the local Nayak rulers, 1639

Jacob Barsimon, the first Jewish immigrant to what would become US territory, arrives in New Amsterdam/Manhattan, 1654

The Newport, RI newspaper, Mercury, becomes the first in the US to hire a female editor, Ann Franklin, 1762

Austria laundches pilotless balloons against the Italian city of Venice, thus staging the first air raid in history, 1849

Gold discovered in Australia, 1851

12 nations sign the First Geneva Convention and the Red Cross is formed, 1864

William Shepphard patents the first liquid soap, 1885

Founding of the Cadillac Motor Company, 1902

President Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first US chief executive to ride in an automobile, 1902

The first Victor Victrola is manufactured, 1906

The Mona Lisa is stolen, 1911 (recovered 2 years later)

Althea Gibson becomes the first black competitor in international tennis, 1950

Pope Paul VI arrives in Bogota, Colombia, becoming the first pope to visit Latin America, 1968

Rhodesia is expelled by the IOC for its racist policies, 1972

The first ring of Neptune is discovered, 1989

A version of The Scream and Madonna, two paintings by Edvard Munch, are stolen at gunpoint from a museum in Oslo, Norway, 2004

The Storm botnet, a botnet created by the Storm Worm, sends out a record 57 million e-mails in one day, 2007

Russia and Vanuatu become members of the World Trade Organization, 2012

India's highest court outlaws instant divorce for Muslim men (talaq, talaq, talaq), 2017

Russia launches Fedor, a life-sized humanoid robot, into space to the International Space Station, 2019