Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

I for If i could go back...

Rory Bore at Ink Interrupted hosts the Tuesday Coffee Chat, and this week she asks the question, It's Angel Girl's birthday today.  What advice would you go back and give your 10 year old self?






First, i wish you many, many happy returns of the day, Angel Girl.  That's a rather old fashioned way of saying that i hope you have many more birthdays to celebrate, that you live a long time.

Your mother asked for a coffee chat on what advice i would give my 10-year-old self if i could go back.  The problem i have with the topic is, i could have said it, but would i have listened?  In fact, if my self from twenty years in the future came back right now to give me advice, would i heed it?  Would any of us?  Would we even be able to do so?

Some things take time or experience to learn, and sometimes there's no substitute for that.  If i could have told myself not to be in a rush to grow up and get married and have kids, would my 10-year-old self be able to even imagine not rushing?  It's all very well and good for you, Mrs. Over 50, to come back here and tell me this, you've gotten to do these things, i can imagine her saying.  But i haven't, she would add, then maybe even say, i don't have your memories, and i want to make those memories, they will make me what i become.

If i slow down, i can hear her say, if i decide to take different paths than you took, if you give me a head's up and i do things differently, how do i know that different will mean better?  How do i know i won't miss all the great parts in trying to avoid the worse parts?  Can you really guarantee i will get there, albeit more slowly and better prepared?

No, i would have to tell her, i cannot make that guarantee.

This leaves me with only a few things to say to my 10-year-old self, mostly things i do wish i could have learned earlier.

"Trust in G-d and tie up your camel," the Persians say.  This can be taken a couple of ways.  First, you are going to meet people you think you can trust, and sometimes you will be right and sometimes you won't.  Tie your camel a bit more often until you've seen whether the person in question has more camels than their life story indicates they should have.  Second, don't expect The Almighty to bend the laws of the universe to cover you because you aren't paying attention to the small details.

"Remember to dig the well long before you are thirsty" say the Chinese.  The self-discipline you are acquiring and the learning you are doing right now are digging the well you are going to be drinking from for the rest of your life.  You can't grow up to be whatever it is you want to be if you don't work to dig the well properly now.   

"After the ship has sunk, everyone knows how she could have been saved" is a byword of the Italians.  If you ever find yourself surrounded by people who know better than you how you could have and should have done this or that, get new people around you.  Get people who understand that you often have to make decisions with limited information, and who won't preach at you if it doesn't turn out quite the way you thought.

"When the fox preaches, look to your geese" the Germans will tell you.  Remember that one every time a politician opens his/her mouth.

Once again, i hope you have a wonderful, fun filled birthday today, and many more to come.



Today is:

Barbershop Quartet Day -- founding day of the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing in America

Be Kind to Lawyers Day -- after all, you will need one someday, for something

Buchenwald Liberation Day -- at 3:15pm local time, by the Third Army

Children's Day in Florida -- FL, US 

Cherry Blossom Festival of Greater Philadelphia -- Philadelphia, PA, US (in conjunction with the Japan America Society of Greater Philadelphia; through the 17th)

Eight Track Tape Day -- do you remember those; someone who fondly does has a day to honor them

Festival of Unmediated Play -- just go out there and have fun, like kids do

Full Pink Moon -- a/k/a Full Sprouting Moon, Grass Moon, Egg Moon, White Moon, Virgin Moon, and Fish Moon; in other traditions
     Bak Full Moon Poya Day -- Sri Lanka
     Tagu Full Moon -- Myanmar

International "Louie Louie" Day -- a song that caused such a stir it deserves a day; on the birth anniversary of its composer, Richard Berry

Juan Santamaria Day -- Costa Rica (commemoration of the hero of the Battle of Rivas)

Laotian New Year's Eve -- Laos (celebrations last through the 15th and sometimes beyond; at the start of the monsoon season)

Liberation Day -- Uganda (fall of Idi Amin)

M&M Crisis in Space Day -- on this day in 1996, American astronaut Shannon Lucid reported from Space Station Mir that she was out of M&Ms; it was the only thing she regularly requested for resupply in her 188 days there!

National Cheese Fondue Day

National Library Worker's Day -- US (always the Tuesday of National Library Week)

National Pet Day / Pet Day USA -- US (it's about the love, so adopt, don't shop!)

St. Antipas' Day (spiritual student of St. John, mentioned in the Book of the Revelation of St. John)

St. Stanislaus' Day (Patron of soldiers in battle; Cracow, Poland; Plock, Poland; Poland, where he is celebrated on May 8)

World Parkinson's Disease Day


Anniversary Today:

Spelman College is founded, 1881


Birthdays Today:

Joss Stone, 1987
Tricia Helfer, 1974
Vincent Gallo, 1961
Bill Irwin, 1950
Ellen Goodman, 1948
Meshach Taylor, 1947
Peter Riegert, 1947
Louise Lasser, 1939
Richard Berry, 1935
Tony Brown, 1933
Joel Grey, 1932
Ethel Kennedy, 1928
Oleg Cassini, 1913
Jane Matilda Bolin, 1908
Dalia "Dale" Messick, 1906
Percy Julian, 1899
Lizzie “Lillie” Bliss, 1864
Charles Evans Hughes, 1862


Debuting/Premiering Today:

"On Your Toes"(Musical), 1936
"Matthäus-Passion/St. Matthew's Passion"(Bach BWV 244), 1727


Today in History:

William III and Mary II are crowned as joint sovereigns of Britain, 1689
The last execution for witchcraft in Germany takes place, 1775
President Abraham Lincoln makes his last public speech, urging a spirit of concilliation during reconstruction, 1865
The Shogunate is abolished in Japan, 1868
The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks is organized, 1876
Ellis Island is designated as an immigration station, 1890
Spain cedes Puerto Rico to the United States in the treaty ending the Spanish American War, 1899
The US Navy aquires its first submarine, designed by John P. Holland, 1900
Albert Einstein announces his Special Theory of Relativity, 1905
The International Labour Organization is founded, 1919
The Stone of Scone, the stone upon which Scottish monarchs were traditionally crowned, is found in Arbroath Abbey where Scottish nationalist students had taken it from Westminster Abbey, 1951
Britain agrees to Singaporean self-rule, 1957
Apollo 13 is launched, 1970
The Apple I is created, 1976
Ugandan dictator Idi Amin is deposed, 1979
The London Agreement is secretly signed between Israeli Foreign Affairs Minister Shimon Peres and King Hussein of Jordan, 1987
Australia beats American Samoa in a 31-0 win, the biggest ever in an international match of football, 2001
The French ban of Islamic women's face coverings goes into effect, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Tuesday Coffee Chat: Ask Me (Almost) Anything

Rory Bore at Ink Interrupted hosts the Tuesday Coffee Chat, and this week she asks the question,  Congrats - you're the new Ask Abby!!!  What's the first letter you choose to answer? (write the letter and your answer.)





One lousy question?  It's a column, i've got a few questions and answers.


Dear Ask Abby, 
The wedding is coming up soon, and I'm nervous.  Is that normal, or is it a sign I should call it off?
Nervous Nellie

Dear Nervous,
It depends.  If you are spending more time planning the wedding than the marriage, you might want to get some pre-marriage counseling.

Dear Ask Abby,
Can two people with brown eyes have a blue eyed baby?
Curious at Work

Dear Curious,
Yes.  Now quit trying to figure out who the father is.

Dear Ask Abby,
Why is it so hard to get a guy to say he's sorry?
Sad and Hurt

Dear Sad,
Because he's not sorry.  Or, more accurately, he's not sorry for what he did, he's only sorry he got caught.

Dear Ask Abby,
Is Elvis really dead?
Lifelong Fan

Dear Fan,
My guess is he faked his death so he could fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a diner in New Jersey.  At least, the guy really did look like Elvis when I stopped there.



Today is:

Aldersgate Day -- Methodism

Battle of Pichincha Day -- Ecuador

Bermuda Day -- Bermuda

Brooklyn Bridge Day -- the most often sold bridge in the US (or so i've been told) opened on this day in 1883

Brother's Day -- celebrate all forms of brotherhood, biological, adopted, fraternity brothers, or members of your labor union

Day for the Naming of Rocks and Planets -- Fairy Calendar

European Day of Parks -- Europe

Feast of Hermes Trismegistus -- Hellenistic Egyptian Calendar (thrice-blessed Hermes, patron of alchemy, date approximate)

Independence Day -- Eritrea(1993)

International Tiara Day -- ladies, celebrate your powers of leadership in your life; tiara wearing is optional, it's the fact that you rule that matters 

La Fete des Saintes Maries -- Les-Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer, France (Roma [gypsy] festival, to honor St. Sara, St. Marie Jacobe, and St. Marie Salome, their patrons; through the 25th)

Little Lamb Day -- publication anniversary, in 1830, of the original poem "Mary Had a Little Lamb"

Lubiri Memorial Day -- Buganda Region, Uganda

Morse Code Day -- anniversary of Morse's first message in 1844 (Morse Code Day is also celebrated on his birth anniversary, April 27)

National Escargot Day

Pithi Chrat Preah Neanng Korl -- Cambodia (Royal Ploughing Ceremony, to mark the beginning of the rice growing season)

RHS Chelsea Flower Show -- Chelsea, London, England (the world's greatest flower show celebrates its 102nd anniversary; through Saturday)

Sara-la-Kali -- St. Sara, or St. Sara the Black's Day -- patron of the Roma (Gypsy) Peoples (pilgrimage)

Sts. Cyril and Methodius's Day (Orthodox Church celebration; Patrons of Macedonia) related observances
     Bulgarian Education and Culture and Slavonic Literature Day -- Bulgaria
     Slavonic Enlighteners' Day -- Republic of Macedonia

St. Susanna's Day (Patron of martyrs)


Birthdays Today:

Billy Gilman, 1988
Alyson Hannigan, 1974
Joe Dumars, 1963
Kristin Scott Thomas, 1960
Rosanne Cash, 1955
Alfred Molina, 1953
Jim Broadbent, 1949
Priscilla Beaulieu  Presley, 1945
Patti LaBelle, 1944
Gary Burghoff, 1943
Bob Dylan, 1941
Tommy Chong, 1938
Lilli Palmer, 1914
"Engineer Bill" Stulla, 1911
Samuel I. Newhouse, 1895
Lillian Moller Gilbreth, 1878
Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom, 1819
Emanuel Leutze, 1816
Abraham Geiger, 1810
Gabriel Fahrenheit, 1686


Debuting/Premiering Today:

Spy Hard(Film), 1996
Indiana Jones and Last Crusade(Film), 1989
View to a Kill(film), 1985
"Jumpin' Jack Flash"(Single release), 1968
"Mame"(Musical), 1966
"Le roi l'a Dit / The King Has Spoken"(Opera), 1873


Today in History:

The Fifth Crusade leaves Acre for Egypt, 1218
Peter Minuit buys Manhattan, 1626
The English  Parliament  passes the Act of Toleration protecting Protestants; Roman Catholics are intentionally excluded, 1689
John Wesley is converted, essentially launching the Methodist movement; the day is celebrated annually by Methodists as Aldersgate Day, 1738
Antonio José de Sucre secures the independence of the Presidency of Quito, 1822
"Mary Had a Little Lamb" by Sarah Josepha Hale is published, 1830
The first passenger rail service in US, from Baltimore to Elliots Mill, Maryland, begins, 1830
Samuel FB Morse taps out the first telegraph message, "What hath God wrought", 1844
The Brooklyn Bridge in New York City is opened to traffic after 14 years of construction, 1883 
The United Kingdom annexes the Orange Free State, 1900
Amy Johnson lands in Darwin, Northern Territory, becoming the first woman to fly from England to Australia (she left on May 5 for the 11,000 mile flight), 1930
Igor Sikorsky performs the first successful single-rotor helicopter flight, 1940
Conclusion of the Sixth Buddhist Council on Vesak Day, marking the 2,500 year anniversary after the Lord Buddha's Parinibbana, 1956
Cyprus enters the Council of Europe, 1961
FLQ separatists bomb the U.S. consulate in Quebec City, 1968
The drilling of the Kola Superdeep Borehole begins in the Soviet Union, 1970
The International Court of Justice calls for the release of United States embassy hostages in Tehran, Iran, 1980
Eritrea  gains its independence from Ethiopia, 1991
Israel conducts Operation Solomon, evacuating Ethiopian Jews to Israel, 1991
15-year-old Sherpa  Temba Tsheri becomes the youngest person to climb to the top of Mount Everest, 2001
North Korea bans mobile phones, 2004
London's Metropolitan police remove belongings and sleeping bags of homeless people as part of 'a policy of reducing the impact of rough sleepers on the community', 2013

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Interfering in-law advice: In-laws usually don't mean to interfere with their advice. Truly, most people, when they give unsolicited advice, it is because of concern, not a desire to interfere.

Thus, the best way to handle unwanted advice, whether from in-laws, outlaws, or just plain strangers, is to say, "Thank you so much for your concern. You have given me something to think about. Right now, we have decided to do ____, but if it is not working, we will keep in mind what you have said." You can also add, "We will talk it over with our doctor/minister/financial advisor/guru/whatever and made a decision from there."

The person giving the advice just needs to know that he/she has been heard, and the words will be considered, to feel better. It makes that person feel useful in your life. It doesn't hurt to say, "thank you for caring enough to tell me these things, " then go out and do what you want anyway.

A piece of interfering in-law advice, to both generations: Don't demand holidays. Take the attitude that "As long as I see you at some point during a few holiday/celebratory times each year, that is fine. We will make the day serve us, not make ourselves slaves to the specific day." Especially if the parents-in-law take this low pressure, I'm glad to see you whenever you can get here approach, the kids-in-law will make the time to see the family.

A small side note about today's holiday list -- it is very long. I think a lot of people must feel sorry for August not having any major holidays, so they cram packed the first day of the month with a lot of reasons to celebrate. Also, August 1 begins Admit You're Happy Month and National Simplify Your Life Week and World Breastfeeding Week, among other monthly and weekly observances. So remember, there is something to have fun about every day of the year!


Today is:

Cheyenne Frontier Day

Cross-Quarter Day

Document Delivery Day

Emancipation Day, Trinidad and Tobago

Fast in Honor of the Holy Mother of Jesus, Orthodox Christian

Fiesta Day, Nicaragua

Girlfriend's Day

Gule of August, Wales (Their name for Lammas Day.)

Homowo, Ghana (A festival of thanksgiving and remembrance.)

Imps Charity Scramble -- Fairy calendar ( Do they scramble the imps, or do the imps scramble for something?)

International Friendship Day

Lady Day Eve

Lammas Day/Lughnasa (Celtic Feast of Bread)

Lanmac Tide (Beginning of the harvest season.)

Laughter Day, Southern California (May we spread this one around? We need more of this everywhere.)

National Mustard Day (Sweetie had an uncle who would have loved this. Ate mustard on everything, including his apple pie. Bigger Girl also eats lots of mustard.)

National Night Out

National Non-Parent Day

National Raspberry Cream Pie Day

National Sweet Corn Day

Picnic Day, Australia

Pod Body Day, Portland, Maine

Respect for Parent's Day (Now, come on. On the same day as Non-Parent Day? Let's let the non parents have a day to themselves, shall we? They are too often peppered with the "Why don't you have kids/have kids yet?" question that is so disrespectful of their life choices. Parents get lots of other days and don't need to hog this one. I will personally forgo it.)

Rounds Resounding Day (Grab your friends and sing a few songs that go in rounds, like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and "Frere Jacques".)

Sports Day (They need a day for this? When the seasons for every sport already overlap?)

St. Ethelwold's Day

Swiss Confederation Day (Celebrates the formation on this day of the Everlasting Confederation, their Day of Independence.)

U.S. Air Force Day

Wattle Day, Australia


Anniversaries Today:

MTV
World Wide Web


Birthdays Today:

Tempestt Bledsoe, 1973
Robert Cray, 1953
Jerry Garcia, 1942
Yves Saint Laurent, 1942
Dom DeLuise, 1933
Herman Melville, 1819
Francis Scott Key, 1779
William Clark, 1770


Today in History:

The future Caesar Augustus, Octavian, enters Alexandria, Egypt, and brings it under the control of Rome, BC30
Japan sends Ono no Imoko to the Sui court in China as envoy, 607
Henry Tudor, soon to be Henry VII, army sails to England, 1495
The first black Americans arrive in Jamestown, Virginia, 1619
Oxygen is "discovered" for the 3rd time, by Priestly, 1774
Slavery is abolished throughout the British Empire, 1834
First coast to coast automobile trip, from San Francisco to New York, is completed, 1903

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Do opposites attract?

Well, sometimes it would seem to be so.

After all, as Larry Burkett, the Christian financial counselor once said, "If two people just alike get married, one of you is unnecessary."

There are some things where you will be opposites.

One of you may be a morning person, the other a night owl. That's okay, the morning person makes the coffee and gets the day started, while the night owl makes sure everyone is tucked in and locks the doors and generally shuts things down for the night.

One of you will be cold all the time (hint, it's the wife) and the other will be begging for a cooling breeze as he sweats himself to death.

One of you will tend to want to be early for everything, the other will be late to his/her own funeral.

Other opposites you can have in marriage have to do with which one tends to be neat and which one untidy; one will talk all of the time, the other will just grunt (75-80% of the time it is the woman who is the talker, but not always); your styles of music may only overlap in some areas (e.g. you both love the Beatles, but one of you loves old Cajun music and the other loathes it).

These opposites are superficial. They are part of what makes you two right for each other. Each of you brings a strength where the other has a weakness. You complement each other in these things.

There are some places where it does not pay to be opposites, however. Studies have shown over and over that the more alike you are in some crucial ways, the more likely you are to stay together.

Religion is one of these. Even if neither of you believe in any particular organized religion, you need to be in agreement as to how to handle this one. Especially if you have children someday, you don't want one person begging to take the kid to church and the other resenting it. If you have differing beliefs, that's fine, but work out how you will handle those differences in a mature way.

Outlaws -- oops, I mean, in-laws. Well, you know the jokes about this one. You need to agree in advance how much influence, and when, and in what areas, your in-laws will have. Dave Ramsey, another Christian financial counselor, says to do yourself a favor and be married at least a year before you buy a house together because it takes that long to know how close to your mother-in-law you really want to live. Get a handle on this one early, set good boundaries early. If you let in-laws really and truly control you in one situation one time, they will think they should do it all the time. You be in control of your household.

The above does not mean never taking advice, it means weighing that advice against what is really best for the two of you, and doing what is right for you, not for your parents, or to keep your parents pacified.

Kids -- whether to have them or not, and why, and how to raise them. Make sure one of you is not dying to have a passel of ankle-biters while the other never wants a kid other than a niece or nephew in the house. If you both want them, why? To serve your interests, or to raise them up for the Glory of God and the good of society? How many? When? (Hint, interfering in-law advice to follow, your mileage may vary -- not in the first year, get used to each other first before adding another person to the mix.) Get on the same page here.

The 4th area where agreement is vital is in the area of finances. This one will take up a whole posting of its own, probably more than one. If you can come to an agreement here, and work together on it, it will strengthen and keep your marriage together. One of the main causes of divorce in our society is money fights and money problems. Get in agreement here, and you will have a deep bond that will be a hedge against the forces of society that will try to pull you apart.


Today is:

All American Soap Box Derby Day

Cutesy-Wootsie Day

Feast of Sulis

Fiesta de Santiago, Guatemala

Gorgeous Grandma Day

Hot Enough For Ya Day

Haile Selassi I birthday -- Rastafarian

National Hot Dog Day (Seem to be a lot of these, with different sponsors.)

National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

Soma No Umadi, Japan (Wild Horse Chasing)

St. Apollinaris' Feast

St. Bridget's Day


Birthdays Today:

Daniel Radcliffe, 1989
Harold "Pee Wee" Reese, 1918


Today in History:

Byzantine Empire loses control of most of Palestine to the Arabs, 636
Crusaders attack Damascus, 1148
Battle of Shrewsbury, the Percys against King Henry IV, resulting in the death of Henry Percy (Harry Hotspur) at the age of 39, 1403
Napoleon captures Alexandria, Egypt, 1798
Lou Gehrig, New York Yankee, hits the first of his 23 career grand slam home runs, 1925