Saturday, April 9, 2011

Half

How do you end up with half a pair of scissors?

Really, why is it called a pair, anyway? And why plural? Yes, i could probably look all of that up, but right now isn't the time.

Instead, right now, i'm trying to figure out what to do with half a pair.

My favorite, very expensive Cutco scissors had gone missing. They are strong, sturdy, sharp, and come apart for easy cleaning after kitchen use.

Half of the scissors showed up in #2 Son's room. No, he can't explain the half part.

They were next to a missing pot holder, a cookie sheet he had baked biscuits on, two dirty plates and three forks.

Somehow, looking back at that list, i'm not sure that i really want to know what scissors had to do with all of that.

Anyone else have any ideas?


In honor of National Humor Month:

There are 3 ways to get something done:
Do it yourself.
Hire it done.
Forbid the children from doing it.

For Valentines Day Boudreaux wanted to get Clotile, his wife, a real surprise. She had been wanting a milk bath for a long time.
So Boudreaux told his friend Pierre, he say, "Pierre," he say, "I wanna give Clotile a milk bath for Valentine Day." He say, "Why don't you bring you cow over to da house and put me some milk in da battub."
And Pierre say, "Okay, Boudreaux," he say, "Dat milk, you want dat pasteurize?"
Boudreaux thought about it a while, then said, "No, just so it covers her belly, dat's all I want."



Today is

Baby Massage Day

Bataan Day/Day of Valor -- Philippines

Cimarron Territory Celebration and World Cow Chip Throwing Championships -- Beaver, Oklahoma, US (through the 17th)

Day of the Finnish Language -- Finland

Edinburgh International Science Festival -- Edinburgh, Scotland, UK, through the 25th

Grand National Steeplechase -- Aintree, England

Lucerne Festival at Easter -- Lucerne, Switzerland, through the 17th

Martyr's Day -- Tunisia

Name Yourself Day -- an internet holiday allowing you to change your name, if you want to.

National Cherish An Antique Day -- hooray for old fashioned quality!

National Chinese Almond Cookie Day

National Former Prisoners of War Recognition Day

National Unity Day -- Georgia

Prairie Dog Chili Cook Off and World Championship Quail Egg Eating Contest -- Traders Village, Grand Prairie, Texas, US

St. Casilda's Day

Vimy Ridge Day -- Canada

Winston Churchill Day -- commemorates his becoming an honorary US citizen


Anniversaries Today:

Sophia Loren marries Carlo Ponti, 1966
Charles, Prince of Wales, marries Camilla Parker-Bowles, 2005


Birthdays Today:

Elle Fanning, 1998
Kristen Stewart, 1990
Jesse McCartney, 1987
Leighton Meester, 1986
Keshia Knight Pulliam, 1979
Rachel Stevens, 1978
Gerard Way, 1977
Austin Peck, 1971
Cynthia Nixon, 1966
Paulina Prizkova, 1965
Dennis Quaid, 1954
Michael Learned, 1939
Avery Schreiber, 1935
Jean-Paul Belmondo, 1933
Hugh Hefner, 1926
Ward Bond, 1903
Paul Robeson, 1898
Efrem Zimbalist, 1889
Charles Baudelaire, 1821
Tamerlane, 1336


Today in History:

The Mongol hordes defeat the Poles and Germans in the Battle of Liegnitz, 1241
Robert Cavalier de la Salle reaches the mouth of the Mississippi River and claims all the land drained by the river and its tributaries for France, 1682
The African Methodist Episcopal church in the US is formed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1816
The oldest audible sound recording of a human voice is made, 1860
Robert E. Lee surrenders the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses Grant at Appomattox Court House, effectively ending the US Civil War, 1865
Passing by a single vote, the United States Senate ratifies a treaty with Russia for the purchase of Alaska, 1967
The Hudson Bay Company cedes its territory to Canada, 1869
Jumbo the Elephant arrives in the US, 1882
The Titanic leaves Queenstown, Ireland for NYC, 1912
The first full color film, "World, The Flesh, and The Devil", premiers in London, 1914
Mae West makes her NYC debut in "Diamond Lil," 1928
The first Japanese built aircraft to fly to Europe, the Kamikaze, arrives at Croydon Airport in London, 1937
The Suez Canal is officially opened for shipping, 1957
NASA announces the selection of the United States' first seven astronauts, whom the news media quickly dub the "Mercury Seven", 1959
In the first game in the Astrodome, Houston beats the Yankees 2-1 in an exhibition game, and Mickey Mantle hits the first indoor home run, 1967
The first British built Concorde makes its first flight, 1969
Georgia declares its independence from Russia, 1991
The funeral of Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, at Westminster Abbey, 2002

2 comments:

  1. Hmm. Forks again? ;)

    No, unless they come apart for cleaning, I don't really know why that you'd find a *half* a scissor. Odd.

    I have heard that joke, but it's still good for a chuckle...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, Cat, forks again. They are safe back in the drawer again.

    Most of the jokes are old, but i'm trying to hold out my favorite for the last day of the month.

    ReplyDelete