Sunday, July 24, 2011

Getting Old

In honor of Tell An Old Joke Day:

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Ever wonder why you never see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!

Under a sign that said, "Make Love, Not War": Do both, get married!

Finally, an old Boudreaux joke:

Boudreaux called the fire department and yelled, "Mais, get down here quick! De barn's on fire!"
The firefighter responded, "Okay, how do we get there?"
After a pause, Boudreaux answered and said, "Sacre, don' you have dose red trucks no more?"

Add your own old joke in the comments, i promise to laugh.


Today is

Amelia Earhart Day

Children's Day -- Vanuatu

Cousins Day -- because cousins are wonderful people to have around!

Dornach Commemoration Day -- Switzerland

Festival of St. Eloi -- French Basque

Jilwalla Jinks' Jamboree -- Fairy Calendar

National Drive Through Day -- but only if you won't pass out from the heat when you roll down the window!

National Tequila Day -- celebrate America's first native-born distilled spirit

Parent's Day -- US

Pioneer Day -- Mormon Christian

Pop a Wheelie Day -- before, not after, the tequila, please; a hosp

Public Opinion Day -- the first public opinion poll was published this date in 1824!

Simon Bolivar Day -- Bolivia; Colombia; Ecuador; Venezuela

Sts. Boris and Gleb's Day (patrons of Moscow, Russia)

St. Christina the Astonishing's Day (patron of all with mental handicaps, disorders, or illnesses, and mental health care workers)

Stirling Settler Day -- Stirling, Alberta, Canada

Tell an Old Joke Day

Tenjin Matsuri -- Tenmangu Jinja, Osaka, Japan (one of Japan's 3 major festivals, through tomorrow)


Birthdays Today

Bindi Irwin, 1998
Dhani Lennevald, 1984
Anna Paquin, 1982
Summer Glau, 1981
Eric Szmanda, 1975
Jennifer Lopez, 1969
Barry Bonds, 1964
Linda Carter, 1951
Michael Richards, 1949
Ruth Buzzi, 1936
Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, 1900
Chief Dan George, 1899
Amelia Earhart, 1897
Oswald Chambers, 1874
Alexandre Dumas, pere, 1802
Simon Bolivar, 1783
John Newton, 1725 (wrote Amazing Grace)


Today in History

Death in Kyoto, Japan, of Kamo no Chomei (b. 1155), Japanese author, poet (waka) and essayist, critic of Japanese vernacular poetry and major figure of Japanese poetics, 1216
Citizens of Leeuwarden, Netherlands strike against a ban on foreign beer, 1487
Jacques Cartier plants a cross on the Gaspé Peninsula and takes possession of the territory in the name of Francis I of France, 1534
Mary, Queen of Scots, is forced to abdicate and replaced by her 1-year-old son James VI, 1567
Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac founds the trading post at Fort Pontchartrain, which later becomes the city of Detroit, Michigan, 1701
A Spanish treasure fleet of 10 ships under Admiral Ubilla leaves Havana, Cuba for Spain; on the 31st, all ships will be lost and come to be known as the !715 Treasure Fleet, 1715
Slavery is abolished in Chile, 1823
The first opinion poll was carried out in Delaware, USA, 1824
Benjamin Bonneville leads the first wagon train across the Rocky Mountains by using Wyoming's South Pass, 1832
After 17 months of travel, Brigham Young leads 148 Mormon pioneers into Salt Lake Valley, resulting in the establishment of Salt Lake City, 1847
The first tramway opened in England, 1861
Tennessee becomes the first U.S. State to be readmitted to the Union following the American Civil War, 1866
Captain Matthew Webb, who was the first person to swim the English Channel, drowned while trying to swim the rapids above Niagara Falls, 1883
O. Henry is released from prison in Austin, Texas after serving three years for embezzlement from a bank, 1901
Hiram Bingham III re-discovers Machu Picchu, "the Lost City of the Incas", 1911
The passenger ship S.S. Eastland capsizes while tied to a dock in the Chicago River. A total of 844 passengers and crew are killed in the largest loss of life disaster from a single shipwreck on the Great Lakes, 1915
The first insulin treatment is carried out, on a six-year-old girl, at St Guy's Hospital, London, 1925
The Kellogg-Briand Pact, renouncing war as an instrument of foreign policy, goes into effect, 1929*
The dust bowl heat wave reaches its peak, sending temperatures to 109°F (44°C) in Chicago and 104°F (40°C) in Milwaukee, 1935
During an official state visit to Canada, French President Charles de Gaulle declares to a crowd of over 100,000 in Montreal: Vive le Québec libre! ("Long live free Quebec!"), 1967
The Quietly Confident Quartet of Australia wins the Men's 4 x 100 metre medley relay at the Moscow Olympics, the only time the United States has not won the event at Olympic level, 1980
Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, the last Tsar of Bulgaria when he was a child, is sworn in as Prime Minister of Bulgaria, becoming the first monarch in history to regain political power through democratic election to a different office, 2001
Lance Armstrong wins his 7th consecutive Tour de France, 2005



*Nice try, fellas.

2 comments:

  1. Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

    As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”

    The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.

    Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

    Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.

    The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”

    And once again the battle was on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties,although this time more casualties occurred.

    Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”

    The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.”

    The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

    As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

    The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Hilary -- i'd never heard that one.

    ReplyDelete