Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Needed the Laugh

It was, indeed, one of the days where i needed a laugh.

The two youngest are in summer school not because of failing, but to see about getting them further in some academic goals more easily.  It means i am still spending at least an hour a day, and sometimes two hours, driving them out there and picking them up four days a week.

So it is a big deal to me, in time and gas wasted, when we get out there and the school is closed and i didn't know, which is what happened yesterday.

The teacher/principal and her sister secretary/bookkeeper were not to blame though.  It was a family emergency.  After several years of their elderly father battling cancer and getting progressively weaker and more and more stubborn about the fact that he and his wife can take care of themselves anyway, she fell and broke her hip.

In their family, i think this will bring the crisis to a head and her father will have to give in and realize that they cannot continue to live in their home and do everything for themselves.

It's a shame it had to come down to this, though.

So i'm glad today is "Tell an Old Joke" Day, because it gives me an excuse to trot out a few things.

Little Johnny was obviously not paying attention to his math lesson, so the teacher suddenly called out, "Johnny, what are 4, 2, 28, and 44?"

Thinking quickly,  he answered, "NBC, ABC, HBO, and Cartoon Network!"

The woman was out shopping for furniture for her daughter's room, and they had selected the pieces they wanted.  As the salesman wrote up the order, he needed information for the delivery, so he asked, "First name?"

"Elizabeth," the woman replied.

"What!" yelled the daughter.  "I thought your name was Mommy!"

There was a medical convention in N'Awlins, an' Dr. Boudreaux had come in from Carencro to attend.  He and a group of surgeons got to talking about which patients were the easiest to operate on.

"It's the accountants," noted one.  "Everything inside them is numbered!"

"Well, I have to disagree," said a second.  "I like electricians because it's all color coded."

"You should try librarians," noted a third.  "Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

"Give me construction workers every time," a fourth noted.  "After all, they are very understanding when you have a few parts left over."

"Well, you all be wrong!" Dr. Boudreaux noted.  "The easiest patients are the politicians!  There's no heart, no brains, no guts, no spine, and the head and the hind end are interchangeable!"

To finish off, a joke from Bigger Girl  During all of the hoopla over the Royal Birth, her response to everyone clamoring to see the new heir as soon as possible had her say, "I feel sorry for his parents.  You'd think everyone could wait at least until the new baby smell wears off!"

Today is

Amelia Earhart Day

Children's Day -- Vanuatu

Chincoteague Pony Round Up -- Chincoteague and Assateague Islands, VA, US (through tomorrow)

Cousins Day -- because cousins are wonderful people to have around! sponsored by Claudia Evart of New York City, who must have had great cousins

Festival of St. Eloi -- French Basque

Jakaba Diena -- Ancient Latvian Calendar (beginning of St. James' [Jacob] Festival, whose day is tomorrow; the beginning of hay harvest)

Jilwalla Jinks' Jamboree -- Fairy Calendar

National Drive Through Day -- but only if you won't pass out from the heat when you roll down the window! on the founding date of Jack-in-the-Box, the first drive through burger chain

National Tequila Day -- celebrate North America's first native-born distilled spirit

Oregon Brewers Festival -- Portland, OR, US (81 microbreweries from across the nation showcase their best, including rare, hard-to-find, and exotic beers; through Sunday)

Pioneer Day -- Mormon Christian

Pop a Wheelie Day -- before, not after, the tequila, please; a hospital visit is no fun

Public Opinion Day -- the first public opinion poll was published this date in 1824!

Simon Bolivar Day -- Ecuador; Venezuela

Sts. Boris and Gleb's Day (Patrons of princes; Moscow, Russia)

St. Christina the Astonishing's Day (Patron of all with mental handicaps, disorders, or illnesses, and mental health care workers, psychiatrists and therapists; against insanity and mental disorders)

St. Christina of Bolsena's Day (Patron of archers, mariners, millers)

Sumarauki -- Iceland (their calendar's extra days added to take into account the "drift" of the calendar from the moon phases)

Tell an Old Joke Day

Tenjin Matsuri -- Tenmangu Jinja, Osaka, Japan (one of Japan's 3 major festivals, through tomorrow)

Birthdays Today

Bindi Irwin, 1998
Dhani Lennevald, 1984
Anna Paquin, 1982
Summer Glau, 1981
Eric Szmanda, 1975
Jennifer Lopez, 1969
Barry Bonds, 1964
Linda Carter, 1951
Michael Richards, 1949
Ruth Buzzi, 1936
Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, 1900
Chief Dan George, 1899
Amelia Earhart, 1897
Oswald Chambers, 1874
Alexandre Dumas, pere, 1802
Simon Bolivar, 1783
John Newton, 1725 (wrote Amazing Grace)

Today in History

Death in Kyoto, Japan, of Kamo no Chomei (b. 1155), Japanese author, poet (waka) and essayist, critic of Japanese vernacular poetry and major figure of Japanese poetics, 1216
Citizens of Leeuwarden, Netherlands strike against a ban on foreign beer, 1487
Jacques Cartier plants a cross on the Gaspé Peninsula and takes possession of the territory in the name of Francis I of France, 1534
Mary, Queen of Scots, is forced to abdicate and replaced by her 1-year-old son James VI, 1567
Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac founds the trading post at Fort Pontchartrain, which later becomes the city of Detroit, Michigan, 1701
A Spanish treasure fleet of 10 ships under Admiral Ubilla leaves Havana, Cuba for Spain; on the 31st, all ships will be lost and come to be known as the !715 Treasure Fleet, 1715
Slavery is abolished in Chile, 1823
The first opinion poll was carried out in Delaware, USA, 1824
Benjamin Bonneville leads the first wagon train across the Rocky Mountains by using Wyoming's South Pass, 1832
After 17 months of travel, Brigham Young leads 148 Mormon pioneers into Salt Lake Valley, resulting in the establishment of Salt Lake City, 1847
The first tramway opened in England, 1861
Tennessee becomes the first U.S. State to be readmitted to the Union following the American Civil War, 1866
Captain Matthew Webb, who was the first person to swim the English Channel, drowned while trying to swim the rapids above Niagara Falls, 1883
O. Henry is released from prison in Austin, Texas after serving three years for embezzlement from a bank, 1901
Hiram Bingham III re-discovers Machu Picchu, "the Lost City of the Incas", 1911
The passenger ship S.S. Eastland capsizes while tied to a dock in the Chicago River. A total of 844 passengers and crew are killed in the largest loss of life disaster from a single shipwreck on the Great Lakes, 1915
The first insulin treatment is carried out, on a six-year-old girl, at St Guy's Hospital, London, 1925
The Kellogg-Briand Pact, renouncing war as an instrument of foreign policy, goes into effect, 1929*
The dust bowl heat wave reaches its peak, sending temperatures to 109°F (44°C) in Chicago and 104°F (40°C) in Milwaukee, 1935
During an official state visit to Canada, French President Charles de Gaulle declares to a crowd of over 100,000 in Montreal: Vive le Québec libre! ("Long live free Quebec!"), 1967
The Quietly Confident Quartet of Australia wins the Men's 4 x 100 metre medley relay at the Moscow Olympics, the only time the United States has not won the event at Olympic level, 1980
Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, the last Tsar of Bulgaria when he was a child, is sworn in as Prime Minister of Bulgaria, becoming the first monarch in history to regain political power through democratic election to a different office, 2001
Lance Armstrong wins his 7th consecutive Tour de France, 2005

*Nice try, fellas.


Hilary said...

Ha! Bigger Girl's comment was great! But that new baby smell is divine.

Steve Finnell said...


Unknown said...

Id soo need those in the car.


Mary said...

Funny jokes! I like them all. :)

Sandee said...

Loved all the jokes. Your daughter came up with the best one though.

Have a fabulous day. ☺

stephen Hayes said...

If memory serves that new baby smell wears off much too quickly.