...but likely will, anyway.
This should be the rant of a friend of mine, not one of mine, necessarily. Yet it makes me so sad and angry on her behalf it needs to come out.
She has had symptoms for years, and has been stonewalled by everyone in her family. "No, our family has no problems!" they loudly proclaim.
As usual, they doth protest too much.
It was so ingrained to lie to each succeeding generation as symptoms got worse that even though her grandmother has been dead for 3 years, her father still lies on order from grannie, who absolutely would not entertain the idea in any way, shape, or form that anything could be inherited in their family.
Now, my friend has genetic proof, and they can't protest any more, it's obviously connected through that side of the family.
But what she had to go through to get there is awful.
It's awful enough to have symptoms, it's awful enough to have to deal with now deciding, with her husband, whether or not they should have children (she thinks probably not), but to have to deal with years and years of family lies and stonewalling and lack of sympathy is cruelty on top of cruelty.
It's not the first person i've known to have this happen, either. In fact, i can think of two others right off hand. The first family i knew of it was more from ignorance -- they didn't know the signs meant succeeding generations might have a disease, it caused no trouble in the people who had it that they would think to mention. Cafe-au-lait spots can mean a tumor disease in a succeeding generation? Not an idea of it, and by the time anyone realized the connection, there wasn't much that could be done.
The second was more nefarious, lying to a child about where he got the surgery scar so that no one would suspect he ever had a problem. A problem that his children and grandchildren suffered the brunt of, because his mother refused to admit anything like that could happen in her family. She went so far as to blame what her daughter-in-law, the mother of one grandchild, did while pregnant for an obviously inherited condition.
Now this, and my blood boils for my friend who could have been saved a lot of mental anguish and years of searching for answers, and could have had treatment sooner.
There is no shame in the fact that your family might have an inherited disease. It happens. This is not the dark ages where we believe it's a curse or a judgment on the family.
Your family is not "less" because of this. You are not defective. You simply have a genetic flaw, as do we all.
Hiding doesn't take it away, and does more damage than good.
Today is
Call of the Horizon Day -- can't find any history on this one, but if the idea of following your dreams over the Horizon has ever called you, take the time to follow today!
Constitution Day -- Australia; Palau
Constitutionalist Revolution Day -- São Paulo, Brazil
Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Omelet Day
Feast of Our Lady of Chiquinquira (Patron of Colombia; the Venezuelan National Guard)
Hampton Court Palace Flower Show -- Hampton Court Palace, East Molesey, Surrey, England (the world's largest flower show; through Sunday)
Independence Day -- Argentina(1816); South Sudan
Llangollen International Musical Eisteddfod -- Eisteddfod Field, Llangollen, Benbigshire, North Wales, UK (65th annual international music festival, through Sunday)
Martyrdom of the Bab -- Baha'i
Muffler Appreciation Day -- if you've ever had a loud vehicle, you will understand why someone started this one
National Sugar Cookie Day -- what could be simpler or more versatile? make them plain or make them fancy, but be sure you make enough!
Nunavut Day -- NU, Canada
#Offerings to Heru and Amun -- Ancient Egyptian Calendar (day Heru hears prayers in the presense of the Netjers; date approximate)
Ramadan begins -- Islam
Shiman Rokusen-nichi -- Sensou-ji Temple, Asakusa, Tokyo (Day of 46,000; a visit to the temple on this day through tomorrow credits you the same as visiting 46,000 times on ordinary days)
St. Mary Hermina Grivot's Day (Patron of martyrs)
Uniwaine / Unaine Day -- Kiribati (Senior Citizens' Day, specifically Elderly Men's Day / Elderly Women's Day)
Birthdays Today
Mitchel Musso, 1991
Kiely Williams, 1986
Fred Savage, 1976
Jack White, 1975
Courtney Love, 1964
Kelly McGillis, 1957
Tom Hanks, 1956
Fred Norris, 1955
Jimmy Smits, 1955
John Tesh, 1952
Chris Cooper, 1951
Mitch Mitchell, 1947
O.J. Simpson, 1947
Richard Roundtree, 1942
Ed Ames, 1927
Elias Howe, 1819
Today in History
Roman military commander Avitus is proclaimed emperor of the Western Roman Empire, 455
Henry VIII annuls his marriage to Anne of Cleves (his 4th wife), 1540
In Versailles, the National Assembly reconstitutes itself as the National Constituent Assembly and begins preparations for a French constitution, 1789
The Act Against Slavery is passed in Upper Canada and the importation of slaves into Lower Canada is prohibited, 1793
The 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified guaranteeing African Americans full citizenship and all persons in the United States due process of law, 1868
In Provident Hospital on Chicago’s South Side, black surgeon Dr. Daniel Hale Williams performed the first successful open-heart surgery, 1893
Queen Victoria gives royal assent to an Act creating the Commonwealth of Australia thus uniting separate colonies on the continent under one federal government, 1900
Johnny Weissmuller swims the 100 meters freestyle in 58.6 seconds breaking the world swimming record and the 'minute barrier', 1922
The Russell-Einstein Manifesto is released by Bertrand Russell in London, 1955
In a seminal moment for pop art, Andy Warhol's Campbell's Soup Cans exhibition opens at the Ferus Gallery in Los Angeles, 1962
Margaret Thatcher begins her second term as British prime minster, 1982
South Africa is readmitted into the Olympic movement after 30 years of exclusion, 1991
The African Union is established in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, 2002
South Sudan gains independence and secedes from Sudan, 2011
Friendly Fill-Ins Week 443
15 hours ago
A powerful post. Everyone has a right to know about their genetic makeup. These days this knowledge can mean the difference between life and death.
ReplyDeleteFamilies do the strangest things at times. Bless their hearts.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific day. ☺
Sorry to hear about your friend. Whatever she has, it sounds like the worst was, that she did not get any support! Hey, what's wrong about a little sympathy?
ReplyDeleteStephen, you are right, and that's another reason i'm so steamed about this.
ReplyDeleteSandee, bless their hearts, indeed. They want to protect themselves from reality so much they destroy others, it is something to pity.
Angelika, she gets very little from her family, because she reminds them of what they don't want to face.
Oh yes. Everything you say here and more. This is a problem in my husband's family. So many lies and 'secrets.'. More so because it's a mental ilness. We decided not to have children. My husband doesn't have it, but his mother and brother do. It's difficult to hide, but boy does his family try! He won't keep their secrets. He and his brother are estranged over it. It's like he says.. secrets help no one.
ReplyDeleteMary, i'm sorry your family is dealing with this. We are only as sick as the secrets we keep.
ReplyDeleteGood reason to rant- my Mom was adopted and it would be nice if we knew what genetic issues could exist. Two brothers have auto-immune diseases;
ReplyDeletediabetes and rheumatoid arthritis- my sis has borderline sugar issues. So far I am ok- but getting back to your point- families have no reason to hide important medical issues- especially when a family member suffers needlessly. Shame on them. Especially when a relative knows and lies to a child and blames a young mother for something not her fault.