Wednesday, April 28, 2010

More Conversations with #2 Son

"Mom, I'm making a weapon of mass destruction," he told me, as he held on to his bleeding hand.

"Son, have you ever heard of 'karma'?" I asked him.

"Very funny, mom. Please hand me a paper towel."

"Hey, mom, when did we get the leaf blower? Can I play with it?"

"Well, I don't know about play with it, but you may get the leaves out of the trench so they don't impede water flow next time it rains."

"Okay, but when Fred comes later, may I duct tape it to my butt? That way I can get him to say, 'Uh, I think this is going to end badly!'"

Upon buying a new energy drink he hadn't tried before, "Ewww, this tastes like pee."

"Son, how would you know?"

"Mom, you don't want to know how I know."

"Mom, did I ever tell you about the time I got Mike to use his bike to pull me in that old toy ride on truck we used to have?"

"No, son, because I wouldn't have let you do it."

"I know, but I got him to pull me, and I did a barrel roll when we crashed. I landed in a neighbor's garage, and I stuck my head out and saw the neighbor, and I had blood all over my face. The guy just looked at me, and I asked him if he would throw the truck away for me, cause it was ruined. He did."

"So that's what happened to it. I had always wondered."

In honor of national humor month

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued,
"And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!"

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell,' has got to go."

Today is

Chicken-Tickling Day -- Fairy Calendar (Leprechauns)

Costume Day

Full Pink Moon/Sprouting Grass Moon/Egg Moon/Fish Moon

Great Poetry Reading Day

Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then read her some poetry.

National Blueberry Pie Day

National Day of Mourning, Canada

Santa Fe Trail Day

St. Peter Chanel's Day

St. Vitalis and Valeria's Day

Texas Wildflower Day

Theravadin New Year -- Buddhist, through May 1

Workers Memorial Day

Birthdays Today:

Jessica Alba, 1981
Penelope Cruz, 1974
Nancy Lee Grahn, 1958
Jay Leno, 1950
Ann-Margaret, 1941
Harper Lee, 1926
Oscar Schindler, 1908
Lionel Barrymore, 1878
James Monroe, 1758

Today in History:

Nichiren Buddhism is founded, 1253
Captain William Bligh and 18 crewmen from the HMS Bounty are set adrift, 1789
Azerbaijan is added to the Soviet Union., 1920
The first night game in organized baseball history takes place in Independence, Kansas, 1930
A vaccine for yellow fever is announced for use on humans, 1932
Thor Heyerdahl and five crew mates set out from Peru on the Kon-Tiki, 1947

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