Thursday, April 15, 2010

Mt. Foldmore

Today, some people are tackling their taxes. I sent ours back to the CPA for e-filing several days ago, so we should be good. My pressing problem is Mt. Foldmore.

I can get them washed. I can get them on the line and dried and back into the house. That is where I hit the wall. Folding and putting away seems so time consuming and futile to me.

In honor of national humor month:

From a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From a Cat's Daily Diary.....

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Jerks.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

Today is

African Freedom Day

Bija Mangala (field cultivation festival)

Equal Pay Day

Fiesta San Antonio, Texas -- through the 30th*

Fordicidia -- Ancient Roman Calendar (cow sacrifice)

Get to Know Your Customers Day (celebrated quarterly)

Income Tax Pay Day

McDonald's Day

National Glazed Ham Day

National Griper's Day

National High Five Day (third Thursday)

Pan American Day

Remembrance Day

Rubber Eraser Day

St. Aristarchus' Day

Take a Wild Guess Day -- just not on your taxes, please

Tax Resistor's Day

Tellus Mater -- Ancient Roman Calendar (mother earth festival)

That Sucks Day (appropriate for tax day, I would say)

Titanic Remembrance Day

*Annual celebration that honors the memory of Texas heroes who fought in the Texas war for Independence. More that 150 events, with sporting events, fireworks, dances...all culminating with the traditional "Battle of Flowers" parade!

Birthdays Today:

Emma Watson, 1990
Seth Rogen, 1982
Patrick Carney, 1980
Emma Thompson, 1959
Claudia Cardinale, 1939
Roy Clark, 1933
Elizabeth Montgomery, 1933
Leon Schotter, 1922
Hans Conried, 1917
Bessie Smith, 1894
Sam Rodia, 1875
Henry James, 1843
Joseph E. Seagram, 1841
Leonardo da Vinci, 1452

Today in History:

Pope Innocent III refuses to grant permission to the Jews of Cordova, Spain, to build a synagogue, 1250
Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language is published in London, 1755
The first school for the deaf in the US opens in Hartford, Connecticut, 1817
The last day US silver coins are allowed to circulate in Canada, 1870
Harley Proctor begins producing Ivory Soap, 1878
The Titanic sinks, 1912
General Electric Company is incorporated, 1892
Insulin becomes available to diabetics, 1923
Jackie Robinson debuts with the Brooklyn Dodgers, 1947

No comments:

Post a Comment